Chris Kaman: Traded, Undead
When the media talks about a player being resurrected, they’re generally referring to a statistical resurgence. In this case, however, I strongly suspect that Chris Kaman may recently have clawed his way out of a shallow grave.
While the NBA’s ranks already represents a broad range of races and nationalities, we may have here evidence of the first Zombie-American in league history. The good news is that Kaman’s recent trade to the Hornets puts him in Louisiana, home to North America’s largest Voodoo community. If low-budget 1970s B movies have taught me anything, it’s that a wisened priestess can cure just about any zombie-related ailment with the right combination of incantations and animal sacrifices.
When pressed for his thoughts on the trade, Kaman muttered something about brains and stumbled slowly towards the assembled reporters with his arms outstretched.