Saturday , Nov , 12 , 2005 C.Y. Ellis

Deron returns

Hey! What’s up!?

First off, let’s all tune our television sets in to WGN to watch man who carried Illinois basketball (yes, that includes the Bulls) the past three years as the Jazz battle Chicago. Deron Williams is back in town, and props must go out in mad force.

…even if he isn’t starting…isn’t going to win…and isn’t going to win rookie of the year.
This is Mr. Elite Eight 2005 in the cold, hard, real flesh back in the state of corn! This is Johnny Stock’s personal protégé. This is the former “sidekick” to the defunct Bracie Wright who prevailed to the lottery. Ain’t not too many cats in the League as cool as this 21-year-old.
The current weather in Salt Lake is a good 17 degrees colder than Chicago despite the hour time difference…and you bet your hairy *ss the Jazz are going to ride that nasty, Mormon cold front into town. A tornado is going to form in Chicago tonight.
Stiff battles at every position will ensue until the final bell. Duhon will return only to get so dizzy in the massive winds that he’ll randomly be found on a cheerleader’s lap sucking his thumb half-way through the second (yes, his thumb…please…).
This storm will be so violent these players will wish they were in a nice Armani tonight…Which is going to make this night great. This will be the most electric battle Chicago has seen since the very, very, very violent protests against having a WNBA team.
My final score prediction: 56-58.
So to ensure we don’t lose power doing this uber-important and exciting game, we shouldn’t shun the tornado and hightail it to the desolate hick state of Indiana. No, we’re tough, bearded lumberjacks from Illinois. Only Condoleeza Rice would do such a self-degrading act!
No, go outside right now and nail down that vertical wind turbine your dad has strangely been saving in basement all these years. Wind power to the world!
The capstone match of the night is San Antonio and Washington. Who would’ve thought folks would be saying that only a week into the season?! This is ri-Dirk-ulous!
T-Mac will be rushed back tonight because his team has practically shriveled into dry prune without him. McGrady’s absence spotlights their pretender nature and complete dependence on his All-NBA services. Yao is yuck without that superman.
Chicago/Utah, San Antonio/Washington, Miami/Houston, Indiana/Milwaukee…Hell yipitie yeah! This night is for real!
Steve Francis is dizzy.