Thursday , Nov , 17 , 2005 C.Y. Ellis

Phil Jackson & Larry Brown

Phil Jackson thinks it’s tough living in jungle.

For one thing, Jackson has a big-time problem with parrots. Yes, parrots. In a 1968 repressed animal brutality Montana Supreme Court case, a (much) younger Jackson was convicted of Parrot food pellet contamination the at six different Montana pet shops, killing nearly 79 birds in one day.

Unfortunately, the court concurred there wasn’t enough evidence to hear the case, and Jax got on with his hippie life. He then won some championships and now has many valuable and prestigious rings to flaunt around at work.
 
Still Jackson has one deep fear — the jungle.
 
You could very easily find yourself confronted by a mean, constipated tiger or a camouflaged, 10-foot rattle snack hiding around the corner. Not to mention some very gregarious, annoying parrots…any Zen practice’s worst enemy.
 
Throw a hella filthy media members in mix, and who could deal in the jungle? Count Phil out, Johnny!
 
Apparently there is such a jungle in the very heart of America’s biggest and best city. Today, Jackson came out and said those NY “snakes and nastiness and innuendos,” were the reason why he didn’t take the $10 million smackers in the Big Apple. What a wacko!
 
Without as much as a care in the world, he shamelessly left his jungle job offer to another unsuspecting coach. Yes, he was innate to this jungle and its pressures, but even the best unprepared men can die in a filthy, hostile place like this.
 
Utilitarians can suck Jackson’s balls.
 
And thanks to $10 million smackers, Larry Brown was thrown in the quick sand. Now he’s trying to climb his way out. Poor old guy. Not even the satisfaction of heavy, $10 million can put a quietus on the permanent and ugly damages caused by leading a band of motley foreigners on an African safari.
 
Brown doomed the end of his career on the fatal day he signed with the Knicks. There is no way he can get himself out of this terrible, expensive mess in that terrible, non-sympathetic jungle. He will be lost in obscurity and dismal disdain until he retires.
 
Once the great Yoda of hoops, Brown will be a different man…or Princess Amidala.
 
Brown’s coaching rival, Jackson, at least has some chance. Yes, today the two coaching legends will meet in Hollywood tonight, and Brown will bring some of that jungle along with him. Jackson be aware of parrots. Brown be prepared to lose…