Monday , Nov , 19 , 2007 Christopher Sells

Life Outside the NBA

Growing up, it was my dream to be a professional ball player. I’ve written before about my affinity for the game of basketball, and it was such that I could not imagine a future that did not involve me playing in the NBA.

Obviously, I’m not in the NBA, nor will I ever be. My lack of physical prowess and the absence of any discernable athletic skills have pretty much sealed that deal for me. It was a sad day when I realized that I would have to actually find a real job and decide upon a real career when I grew up. I’ve since learned to live with my fate, but I’ve never really been okay with it.

Not until now, anyway.

I’ve realized that becoming a basketball superstar (or even a role player and possibly a scrub who only sees court time during warm-ups) might mean that my life would be affected in truly negative ways. This isn’t going to be a piece bashing players for their off-court indiscretions or admonishing them to live pious lives. I’m just saying that being a college student struggling to find my way and trying to figure out where I want to go means that there are certain things that I don’t have to worry about.

There won’t be armed robbers waiting outside of my home because they’ve cased it and discovered that they would be doing more than wasting their time by jacking me. I barely have two nickels to rub together.

There will not be multiple women with whom I’ve engaged in sexual activity meaning that I now have more children than I have toes. I’m no Shelden Williams, but you won’t see women waiting for me outside of my hotel trying to give me groupie love. (In all fairness to Williams, he was reportedly dating Candace Parker. I don’t understand how this happened, but that is a different subject for a different time.)

There will be no controversies involving me or my employer being sued for sexual harassment. I mean, really. I treat my coworkers with respect. And I don’t have alleged fist fights on company trips, either. And I don’t decide that I’m not going to show up to work because my boss isn’t going to let me start. Yes, New York Knickerbockers, I’m referring to you.

There will be no strangers asking me questions on camera about my coworkers. If there were, I certainly would not say that Oly Sandor should be replaced with Ric Bucher. Mostly because it’s all love over here at Hoopsvibe, but also because I don’t roll like that. My next paragraph would reference how I wouldn’t have legal issues dealing with certain events, but it would be redundant because of my earlier statement regarding the lack of groupies outside my hotel room. Also, because that upsets people and I don’t feel like having my inbox flooded with e-mails from angry Kobe fans.

There will be no questions about how my wife allows me to sleep with another woman once a year. This is because I’m not famous and because no sane woman does that. If you are a sane woman and you do allow that, you may e-mail me.

And lastly, there will no women divorcing me and receiving exorbitant amounts of loot. I’m not saying that I’m perfect and my relationships will all work out in the end; I’m saying that I don’t anticipate ever having millions of dollars in my bank account. I’ll share more extensive thoughts on this later, but true love shouldn’t cost you half of everything you own.