Wednesday , Dec , 05 , 2007 C.Y. Ellis

NBA Coaches Mic’d Up on the Sidelines Will Answer Our Burning Questions

The NBA is going to put microphones on coaches during the games. Apparently, there will be hidden cameras in the locker rooms, too – reality show-style.

This comes a little too late for some of the things I’d like to have heard, but there are some things I’m really forward to. 

Looking back:

1.  We could have used this last season to eavesdrop on Doc Rivers telling players to miss their shots.

2.  A few days back, we would have had special access to Stan Van Gundy’s smugness on the bench during the Miami-Orlando game.

Looking forward:

3.  During tense moments of Lakers games, the fans can relax to Phil Jackson’s soothing chants of “oooohm, oooohm.” If Walton gets that feed, we might get some pretty interesting flashback-induced color commentary.

4.  We will learn whether Zeke only calls his black cheerleaders b*tches. On a related note, we might find out what information Stephon Marbury is using to blackmail his coach for more playing time.

5.  Hearing Mike Brown’s coaching genius as he yells, “Throw it to LeBron, you idiots!” and “Get out of LeBron’s way!”

6.  Assuming Skiles gets mic’d before he gets fired (or quits), we will be gifted with innumerable “Sit down and shut up!” tirades directed at Joakim Noah.

7.  Hearing Avery Johnson scream in pain when he finally bursts that blood vessel in his forehead.

8.  An answer to the burning question of whether Nellie orders Bud or Bud Light from the beer guy during timeouts.

9.  We will finally learn how mean Jerry Sloan has to be in order to make Andrei Kirilenko cry.

10.  Hearing the defensive genius of Mike D’Antoni through inspiring phrases such as, “C’mon, guys, how come you keep letting them score?” and, “Stop them from scoring, okay?”