The NBA's Worst Tattoos: 40-31
If you haven't read the first part of the list yet, I advise you to check out The NBA's Worst Tattoos: 50-41 before you continue with this one. Trust me: You'll appreciate the warm-up.
The NBA's Worst Tattoos: 40-31
40. Gilbert Arenas' "change we believe in" Tattoo
I'm not sure Gil, due for a spell in the slammer after his gun-related shenanigans, really embraced the kind of change Barack was talking about. That aside, the tat looks like biro scrawl, and the quality of the lettering suggests that Gil drew it himself with his other hand. Oh, and lest we overlook the little details, there's also a "44" inked on the outside of Arenas' pinky in honour of Obama becoming the 44th president of the United States. In case you haven't been following the story, a .44 Magnum was one of the guns Hibachi turned in right before his locker-room stand-off with Javaris Crittenton. Bad luck and a bad tattoo.
39. DeShawn Stevenson's Pittsburgh "P" and Crack Tattoos
For a moment, let's overlook the fact that this young man went ahead and actually allowed - nay, paid - someone to take a tattoo needle to his face. Let's take a look instead at DeShawn's reasoning for having a crack tattooed on his forehead, opening himself up to the barrage of "crackhead" jokes that began the second the photos hit the internet.
"I don't crack. I feel like people always try to break me, but I don't crack. So, I put that there."
Surely, the absence of a crack would...eh, forget it. Perhaps fellow Nobel prize winner Lil' Wayne, who has a similar tattoo, can explain it. Here's what Stevenson had to say about the backwards Pittsburgh Pirates "P" on his cheek:
“[That's] for Pittsburgh, that’s my favorite team. Barry Bonds, when he first started.”
Someone then asked him why he chose to have the logo flipped so that it looked more like a "9".
“No, if you’re standing where Dom’s standing and looking at me, it looks like a P.”
For the record, Dominic McGuire was standing directly in front of Stevenson, about ten feet away. I'm not sure DeShawn Stevenson understands the difference between "ten feet away" and "reflected in a mirror". At any rate, this was likely a garbled explanation to justify what is rumoured to be a gang symbol. On his face.
38. Jameer Nelson's "All Eyes on Me" Tattoo
While the title of Tupac's "All Eyez on Me" (the first album I ever bought) referred to the pressure of scrutiny, Jameer Nelson's tat looks more like a request for attention. All eyes on me...please? Most eyes on me will do. Just two or three eyes on me would be enough, really. The blocky shading and the fact that the tattoo artist appears to have run out of space and thrown the final "e" onto Meerkat's shoulder don't help this one either.
37. Luke Walton's Grateful Dead-inspired Tattoo
Even papa Walton's fondness for the Grateful Dead doesn't explain this ink. If you can't see exactly what's going on here, you're not the only one. Apparently, it's a quartet of dancing skeletons spinning basketballs on their fingers, with the bony fellows representing Luke Walton and his brothers. The fact that it's a relatively simple, mostly monochrome design saves Luke's ink from a higher spot in the list.
36. LaMarcus Aldridge's Various Religious Tattoos
The problem here is not so much the design of the tattoos as it is the crippling redundancy. A good sixty percent of Aldridge's arms is dedicated to the theme of religion, and in the third photo below you can see that there's also what appears to be a chubby Bible peeking out from under his vest. Lord knows what else is under there. Perhaps an "I ♥ JC" or "New Testament FTW" join the other godly tattoos at the overkill party that is his upper body.
35. Jason William's "Whiteboy" Knuckle Tattoo
What kind of short-bus shit is this? If you have to mash your hands together like a hungry hamster for your tattoo to make any sort of sense, it's time for you to be neutered. While most tattoos this dumb are covered by underwear, Whit Eboy needs ten finger sleeves to conceal this tragedy.
34. Kenyon Martin's "I Shall Fear No Man but God" Tattoo
I'm just going to throw this out there: Does Kenyon Martin know what's actually written on his back? If you ever meet the dude, please ask him for me. Whatever the case, it's a little jarring to see that the crucifix ends just inches from the tattoo of Trina's lips. (And yes, that will be appearing in this list.)
33. Deron Williams' "Texas Made" Tattoo
Is Texas on fire? Is that smoke or steam? Why is a segment of the rubber seam missing from the ball Why are "D-Will" and "Texas Made" written in different fonts? I have a lot of questions here, but none about whether or not this is a crappy tattoo. It wasn't awful in isolation, but the shading looks horribly anaemic now that Deron has added a snake tattoo (more on which later) so dark it now it looks as if Texas sprung a leak that left ink all over his shoulder.
32. Kenyon Martin's "Flesh of my Flesh Blood of my Blood" Tattoo
It took a quartet of mistakes for Kenyon Martin to make this list for the second (but not final) time. The first was wrapping the title of a DMX album around a portrait of his first-born. The second was actually going ahead with a portrait design, a decision that almost invariably results in a goofy tattoo. The third was neglecting to maintain the muscle mass necessary to keep the tattoo looking as it originally did. The fourth was positioning the tat directly over a scar that makes it look as if Kenyon Jr. has a Charlie Chaplin moustache and a boy-band goatee. All in all, this one isn't a winning effort.
Incidentally, does anybody know what's going on with the new artwork running down the backs of both of Martin's arms? It looks as if there's a "MY WAY" on his right arm, but I couldn't be sure about that. Let me know if you find a better photo than this one.
31. Andre Brown's "Beast" Tattoo
The title alone should convince you that this is wasted ink, especially if you're among the ninety percent of people whose first thought was "Who the hell is Andre Brown?" If you're among the ten percent who recognised the name, your first thought would likely have been "Where the hell is that dude anyway?" The answer: Playing for China's Zhejiang Cyclones. LeBron and Boozer can justify their respective "Beast" tattoos, but as an undrafted journeyman it's generally best not to go for such braggadocious body art. Maybe a simple "Serviceable Third-String PF" or "Really Quite Tall" tattoo would have been more fitting for Brown.
That's it for the second part of this list. Check back tomorrow for The NBA's Worst Tattoos: 30-21, and let us know what you thought of the ten tats above by dropping a comment below.