What's good, basketball fans?
Once the final buzzer has sounded and the cheerleaders have cleared the court, there's nothing more entertaining than a lively player in a post-game press conference. Many resort to generalities, clichés and other tactics to avoid saying anything of substance, but a few occasionally let loose and speak their mind. When they do, it's generally not long before they say something inappropriate, hilarious, or both.
Listed below are twenty of my favourite NBA quotes from the first eight months of 2005 (and a few which may be from a little earlier). Some are funny, some are misguided, and some are just good and nutty.
- "Don't get me wrong -- I love Jason Kidd. He's a great point guard… (But) how am I comparing myself to him when I think I'm the best point guard to play basketball? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, how can I sit here and compare myself to somebody if I already think I'm the best?...I'm telling you what it is: I know I'm the best point guard in the NBA. I don't need anybody else to tell me that. When I go on the basketball court, if I think about what you're all saying, I'll lose my mind." – Stephon Marbury
- "That's a cheap shot by a low-class type player. You don't do that. That's gay on his part. I told him that he was gay, too, for touching me in my private parts." – Francisco Elson
- "Guys have made livings off me. Nick Anderson got a new contract, Travis Knight got a new contract off me. As a matter of fact, Derek Fisher called me yesterday to thank me [he had recently signed a deal with Golden State]. If you double me, I'm kicking out to Eddie, who's the best shooter in the East. Or I'm going to give it to Dwyane, or put it on the ground and come bang on you." – Shaquille O’Neal
- "Just say I'm from Somalia and I need food." -- Stephen Jackson, describing his passion for winning.
- "You know, softball is the other sport I do besides basketball." – LeBron James
- "All I want to say is (expletive) that. (Expletive) them. (Expletive) everybody. That's (expletive)." – Brad Miller, addressing rumours of tension between him and Chris Webber.
- "I thought so. Or I was just jumping up and down because I'm retarded." – Sam Mitchell, affirming that he believed a last-second shot (which was later discounted) to have been good.
- "I don't know what's wrong with that girl." - Reggie Evans on Pau Gasol.
- "I've never even been into those supplements or any of that. I don't even drink energy shakes. I'm not into that kind of stuff. You just get me an In-N-Out burger and some Popeye's fried chicken and I'm straight." – Paul Pierce
- “I don't have to shoot from more than two feet. I'm top 50. I've got 23,000 from where I shoot.” – Shaq, responding to Danny Fortson’s challenge to take a few jumpshots.
- "The new moron in town is Chad Ford of ESPN.com." – Mark Cuban
- "I don't have [expletive] to say to him. I didn't vote for him. It's just something we have to do." - Rasheed, on what he’d say to George Bush during the team’s visit to the White House.
- "Dampier is soft. Quote it, underline it, tape it, send it to him. Don't ask me about that guy ever again." – Shaq
- Fan: “I would just like to know... Have you ever dunked on Shaq during practice?”
Dwyane Wade: “No. And when I did try once, Shaq told me, ‘Don't ever try that again.’”
- "I really like Rafer Alston. We get along great. We have a lot of fun times together that I can't share with you guys." - Jalen Rose
"When (Jalen) comes over here, I'm going to give him a kiss. Not on his lips, though." - Rafer Alston
- "And (Reggie) Evans — you talk about Vlade being a flopper? This guy is taking it to a whole new level. He goes down when the air conditioning comes on." – Rick Adelman
- “I don't think anything of Laura Frank. You heard me — Laura Frank. Not Lawrence. Laura . . . It's not that I blame him, I just wish he'd go to a manly tactic and just fight me. Don't whine. When he whines, that's when I change his name of Lawrence Frank.” – Shaq
- "I think the type of centers you are looking at now are the Colliers and Nowitzki, the guys that can step out and shoot the sh*t out of the ball. They can shoot and you can not take that away from them. I have never been a shooter. I have always been a prolific M.F. scorer. You know what M.F. stands for?” – Shaq
- “When you are 60, hang out with 60-year-olds, not 20-year-olds. That is all I got to say about Jerry Buss.” – Shaq
- "I'm not trying to get into any Cheerio commercials, or Coca-Cola commercials. I want to do a commercial in the 'hood." – Ron Artest
I intended to include some gems from the Round Mound, but once you start quoting Charles, it’s difficult to stop. For that reason, I limited the pool of candidates to players, coaches, owners and the like.
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. Until the next edition of The Blog (look for that on Thursday evening), take it easy.