With the NBA season stumbling to a temporary halt, it’s time again to watch a selection of the world’s elite ballers thank their fans by playing fairly poorly in a semi-competitive game which counts for nothing. Still, in spite of the commercial whoring, lazy defence and celebrities who have no business being in an NBA arena, All-Star Weekend is, at the least, several thousand times more entertaining than the Winter Olympics, and I say that without hyperbole.
In honour of ASW, I continue with the annual tradition (founded this year) by listing the things I’d most like to see at some point in the festivities. As always, you can reach me with your comments, questions and suggestions at [email protected] or via the comment box below this article.
Let’s get right into it.
Ten Things I’d Like to See During All-Star Weekend
1.Allen Iverson breaking the dress code and D-Steezy forcing him to pay an on-the-spot fine.
2.Rasheed Wallace being assessed a technical foul or, better yet, being ejected entirely. For those who doubt this would be possible, remember that ‘Sheed was thrown out of his McDonald’s All-American Game.
3.Rolando Blackman (who is serving as an assistant coach on the night) yelling “Confidence!” at one of the players. (Ten points if you caught the reference. Click here if you didn’t.)
4.Ron Artest. I just want to know that the dude isn’t getting into any trouble during his free time, or, if he is, I want it to be televised. If he attempted to run a promotion in the process, there’s a chance I’d cry with joy.
5.Special Edition shoes in disgustingly lurid colourways. If you remember Scottie rocking the fire truck reds back in the day, you’ll know why. Check the title image of this piece for a look at the old-school Air Maestro in a hue likely to cause permanent retinal damage.
6.Someone getting down on defence. I’m not expecting to see players going Mutombo out there, but I don’t want to have to watch a team of Keith Van Horns either. One of him is approximately one too many.
7.Shaqcessories. Trust me on this one, kids.
8.Gilbert Arenas dropping forty and winning the MVP. Why did someone have to get injured for him to make the roster? If J.O. hadn’t gone down, Gil would have become only the third player ever to be averaging twenty-eight at the break and not play in the game.
9.Andre Iguodala winning the dunk contest. I can’t talk about his whole repertoire, but I can tell you that he has a trick up his sleeve that you couldn’t possibly comprehend with one hundred percent of your brain. (Twenty points for that reference.)
10. Flip Saunders heckling Larry Brown for being at home. If anyone’s in a position to let Coach B. know he made a Milicic-level mistake by leaving Detroit, it’s Flip.
I’ll be checking in all throughout the weekend with my thoughts on the Rookie-Sophomore game, dunk contest, skills challenge and, of course, the big show itself, so visit regularly for the latest news and commentary. Until tomorrow, take it easy.