Chris Webber Requests Trade
Currently averaging career lows in points, steals, assists and field goal percentage, it seems as if things are starting to get on top of everyone’s favourite wooden-legged power forward. Just seven games into his third tour of duty with the Sixers, Chris Webber has made it clear that he wants to leave Philadelphia. Over to you, C-Dub.
"I’m not going to keep playing like this," Webber said after scoring six points in 23 minutes in Philadelphia’s 96-90 victory Wednesday night in Seattle.
Webber said he has talked to 76ers management and made his feelings clear.
"I don’t like this role," he said. "So, you can take that however you want."
Also cited as a source of irritation was his lack of court time, and it’s understandable that a perennial All-Star should be irked to have to ride the pine for nearly twenty minutes a night. Chris Webber, however, isn’t your average All-Star. Sure, he boasts a career twenty-ten average, but you could replicate his contributions in the clutch by putting a pot plant in a pair of high-tops and setting it down on the free-throw line. The plant, at least, wouldn’t have the chance to fuck things up by calling for a time-out.
So, what can the Sixers expect in exchange for Chris? Despite being as comfortable in crunch time as George Bush at a midnight showing of “Brokeback Mountain” and having the lateral mobility of an arthritic tortoise, he might just be the most valuable player in the league for one reason, and one reason alone: He knows how to get a date with Tyra Banks.
Still, Mo is making an effort to stay as upbeat as possible about the situation.
Said 76ers coach Maurice Cheeks when asked if Webber is having a tough adjustment: "I’m sure. But this is a team game and we’re trying to treat it as such. We’re not trying to put a lot of individual things on what we’re trying to do. I certainly understand it’s hard. It’s a difficult situation. But we’re trying to do this as a team and not break it down."
Sure thing, coach. Team, team, team. Philly, of course, is a squad very much focused on the concept of the collective, with no real standout individual whose role is valued above that of the others. In fact, you could lose, say, Allen Iverson for the season and still have every chance of compiling a respectable record and not being confused for a WNBA expansion franchise whose players are slightly more mannish than average.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a trip to the emergency room. I think the blood vessel serving my brain’s irony centre may have ruptured.