Monday , Jun , 23 , 2008 Christopher Sells

Tell Me How My *ss Tastes

Tell Me How My *ss TastesThis is a special feature from guest blogger Christopher Sells.

Shaq’s rap career has brought us gems such as "(I Know I Got) Skillz," "I’m Outstanding," "Shoot Pass Slam," "Biological Didn’t Bother" and "Can’t Stop the Reign." But Shaq has outdone himself with his latest bit of rapping, a freestyle that implores his former teammate: "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes."

Shaq issued the following statement regarding his actions Sunday night through ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith:

"I was freestyling. That’s all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MC’s do. They freestyle when called upon. I’m totally cool with Kobe. No issue at all. And by the way, don’t forget, six albums, two platinum, two gold. Anybody who knows me knows I’m a funny freestyler. Check the NBA DVD when I was rapping about Vlade Divac during my first championship run. Please tell everybody don’t make something out of nothing."

Totally cool with Kobe? Not only would I not have believed that statement before this weekend, I certainly can’t get behind it now that he’s publicly suggested that Kobe might know the flavor of his legendary posterior. Also, blaming your divorce on someone you’re cool with seems a bit unorthodox. And reminding the people you’re cool with of their failures since you’ve taken separate career paths is probably a jerk move.

I can’t wait for a reporter at this week’s Olympic team minicamp to ask, straight-faced during a news conference, "Kobe, how does Shaq’s ass taste?"

Please, Kobe, unretire from rapping and make a comeback track. It would make this offseason so much better.