Saturday , Sep , 04 , 2010 J.N.

Rejoice Washington! John Wall is the next GOAT!

People are really serious about John Wall. He’s really going to be the next GOAT (Greatest Of All Time). In his prime, he will average 32 points, 11 assists, 8 rebounds, and 4 steals. That’s what the streets are saying. Wall surpasses Magic Johnson and LeBron James. He’s also a certified lock for Hall of Fame. John will accumulate 6 MVP awards and 7 rings. That’s what the streets are saying; you know what I’m saying?

These visions of grandeur are mesmerizing. He has not played an NBA game already surpassing Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Rajon Rondo, and Derrick Rose without lifting a finger. It’s like that? It’s like that, huh?

If I was John Wall, I’d blame my NBA downfall on the media. That is correct – every person in the media who has been slurping me for months. I’d even tell them to shine my shoes. I’m going to live a day in the life of Wall for a minute. I just found a cure for AIDS, world hunger, and fixed the economy. I would be a better person than Glenn Beck and Barack Obama. Then later that night, I’d light up 55 points and 20 assists against the Miami Heat. Being John Wall is great; better than Being John Malkovich. Don’t forget to do that dance!

Look, here are the facts. The 2009-2010 Washington Wizards went 26-56, 18-34 within the Eastern Conference, and 3-13 in the Southeast Division. Do not hide your kids, wife, or husband because they are not raping anybody. The Gilbert Arenas gun incident put bullets through the entire roster, which led to Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler’s departure. The self destruct mode was a nice touch. That roster wasn’t winning anything anyway. It was not that much of a loss.

Kirk Hinrich:
Wizards got him for free as he was dumped by the Chicago Bulls like the mafia dumping a body into the sea. Hinrich is a nice pickup – solid defender and steady point guard. Also, he’s a model citizen.

Andray Blatche:
He will be the second major statistical player on this team after Wall depending if Gilbert Arenas remains. His averages are 18.2 points, 8.1 rebounds, 2.7 assists, 1.4 steals, and 1.1 blocks. This kid here is too talented to be coming off the bench. That type of production is starter material. Bump that up to 20 points, 10 rebounds, 3.5 assists, 1.5 steals, and 1.5 blocks and we have to discuss All Star reserve somewhere despite being on a bad team. I’m not kidding. He broke his foot in June so I’m not sure if he can get that type of production for the new season.

Gilbert Arenas:
The front office has not traded him as of this writing. The brain trust must be on the “John Wall/Gilbert Arenas bandwagon.” Go for it. Let’s see it before trading him away.

JaVale McGee:
This athletic 7 footer has to be the starting center. He defends that basket easily averaging 2+ blocks per game with more tutelage.

John Wall:
He is the Rookie of the Year. Hey, if you do not like the media hype, tell each of them to stop it personally when you get interviewed. Derrick Rose did that. You can, too. Projected rookie stats: 15 points, 3 rebounds, 7 assists, and 1.6 steals.

Final verdict: Can John Wall and the Wizards make the playoffs? No. Dead last in Southeast Division. Over 20 wins, but definitely not over 30 wins.


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