Rejoice Washington! John Wall is the next GOAT!
People are really serious about John Wall. He’s really going to be the next GOAT (Greatest Of All Time). In his prime, he will average 32 points, 11 assists, 8 rebounds, and 4 steals. That’s what the streets are saying. Wall surpasses Magic Johnson and LeBron James. He’s also a certified lock for Hall of Fame. John will accumulate 6 MVP awards and 7 rings. That’s what the streets are saying; you know what I’m saying?
These visions of grandeur are mesmerizing. He has not played an NBA game already surpassing Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Rajon Rondo, and Derrick Rose without lifting a finger. It’s like that? It’s like that, huh?
If I was John Wall, I’d blame my NBA downfall on the media. That is correct - every person in the media who has been slurping me for months. I’d even tell them to shine my shoes. I’m going to live a day in the life of Wall for a minute. I just found a cure for AIDS, world hunger, and fixed the economy. I would be a better person than Glenn Beck and Barack Obama. Then later that night, I’d light up 55 points and 20 assists against the Miami Heat. Being John Wall is great; better than Being John Malkovich. Don’t forget to do that dance!
Look, here are the facts. The 2009-2010 Washington Wizards went 26-56, 18-34 within the Eastern Conference, and 3-13 in the Southeast Division. Do not hide your kids, wife, or husband because they are not raping anybody. The Gilbert Arenas gun incident put bullets through the entire roster, which led to Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler’s departure. The self destruct mode was a nice touch. That roster wasn’t winning anything anyway. It was not that much of a loss.
Final verdict: Can John Wall and the Wizards make the playoffs? No. Dead last in Southeast Division. Over 20 wins, but definitely not over 30 wins.