Thursday , Mar , 03 , 2011 J.N.

The 2011 NBA MVP race is the weakest ever Vol. Stop Crying

That’s all I’ve been hearing lately. Blah, blah, blah, weak sauce, blah, blah. Why you mad, though? The major complaint is that no one really stands out from the pack. My thinking is “How the eff does that make the race weak?” My dude, you serious? Go watch Tommy Wiseau’s The Room if you think the race is the weakest then hit me back up or get slapped with a notice out of nowhere to give up the kids like Charlie Sheen. If you don’t like this season’s MVP race, you don’t like NBA basketball.

Kobe, LeBron, Wade, Rose, Howard, Durant, and Nowitzki. Look at those names. How is this weak? No one stands out because everyone is too good. It’s very close. That’s why it is a race. The past two years were actually weak because LeBron took those decisively in a landslide. Boring. Snooze. Wake me up when it gets interesting. This season? Oh man. Awesome. I don’t know where to begin.

Fans of the NBA unite. As Charlie Sheen would say, “Winning.”

He’s right. We’re winning as spectators. It’s been quite entertaining. I was pegging Dirk Nowitzki to win it all with LeBron finishing in second place. Nobody, even me, expected Derrick Rose to be the frontrunner. Hell, I did not expect him to be in it at all. The game has definitely changed. I have recently broken down each player’s chance of winning the prestigious award. It’s my personal top ten, but now I have to eliminate 5 players with 20 games or so left in the season. I have chosen to eliminate Chris Paul, Manu Ginobili, Russell Westbrook, Dwyane Wade, and Kevin Durant. I also redistributed their dead rotting carcasses, which is their percentages, if anyone has been following my MVP articles.

Why eliminate Chris Paul, the master of PER? He sucks this year. Advanced stats get him nowhere. His numbers are not all that great except for assists and steals. He’s been playing like dog feces ever since the matchup against Derrick Rose. Paul has been letting me down in fantasy basketball. I drafted him with the number one pick. Now play like it, fool.

Manu Ginobili– His numbers are “meh” at best. 61 games played, 18 points, 5 assists, 3.9 rebounds, and 1.6 steals. Good starter numbers, but not MVP quality. Sorry.

Russell Westbrook – 3 triple doubles, 27 double doubles, 59 games played, 22.5 points, 8.6 assists, 5 rebounds, and 1.8 steals. MVP candidate? Nope. Put him in the pressure cooker as the alpha dog every game and then get back at me. Kevin Durant is still there last time I checked. Westbrook gets the Dwyane Wade treatment.

Dwyane Wade – 56 games played, 25.5 points, 6.9 rebounds, 4.4 assists, and 1.4 steals. MVP candidate? Nope. Get the eff out, D3. Wade eliminated himself when he said that he would vote for LeBron for MVP. Say what? He should have said, “I’d rather vote for myself. Eff LeBron. Yeah, I just said that. I put my name on it.” Miami Heat’s first born also has to adjust to a sidekick role late in games. Oh my. I lost respect for Wade as a baller. He became a big vagina.

Kevin Durant – Everyone has a boner for this kid. I don’t get it. He’s not Eva Angelina with glasses on. 55 games played, 28.4 points, 7.1 rebounds, 2.8 assists, 1.1 steals, and 1 block. His numbers are roughly similar to last season. Screams, “I didn’t improve that much.” The Thunder has to be a top 2 seed in the West for him to get back in the race. I do not see that happening.

Eliminate these guys and the race gets more interesting. By the way, stop mentioning Amar’e Stoudemire. True Knicks fans know that he is not in the running this season. He never was.

Your overlord has spoken.

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