Saturday , Dec , 27 , 2008 J.N.

What Each Eastern Conference NBA Team Wants (or doesn’t want) for the New 2009 Year

What Each Eastern Conference NBA Team Wants (or doesn't want) for the New 2009 YearI’ll keep it brief. I’m looking at each team as an outsider, but not like one of those media people on those major networks or websites who spews current clichés about a certain player, or team, without acknowledging improvements the player has made over the years such as Ben Gordon not playing good defense. He’s actually solid now, or better yet, the Los Angeles Clippers being terrible. Oh wait…

Well anyway, that’s lazy journalism sticking to stereotypes. I can do their jobs quite easily. I get sick of them saying the same old shit. Stop it. It’s pathetic. We get it if you guys were banging newly hired interns to do your job, but c’mon.

Atlanta Hawks: Marvin Williams to actually play like a number 2 pick and the team needs to get up to beat bad teams.

Boston Celtics: Glen Davis to stop being such a soft vagina. After all, his nickname is “Big Baby.” I’m on to him. He’s suspect of batting for the other team.

Charlotte Bobcats: MJ is selling his overpriced Air Jordans somewhere smoking cigars on a golf course in Dubai. Larry Brown is politicking his way to get trades to get players he actually likes. Get your superstar big guard. That’s your biggest weakness. Problem is…MJ will never step through those doors because he’s nowhere to be found.

Chicago Bulls: Trade Luol “Dung.” Get a frontcourt somehow. Tell Larry Hughes to take a flamboyant dive into a landfill. Kirk “Kurt” Kraprich can do the same. Why is Nocioni still on the team? Oh yeah, hey, John Paxson. Your cell phone is only to be used as a way to tell time. There’s no actual trade talks involved.

Cleveland Cavaliers
: So what’s your thoughts about 2010, Lebron? Still dancing to Kid N Play cds? 24 Hours of Lebron by Nike? What the fuck? Do we really need to see this man take a dump? The Lebron slurpage have gone to obscene levels. Some of these Lebron groupies must be men.

Detroit Pistons
: A total rebuild. Having Allen Iverson as rental isn’t so bad. At least they have Rodney Stuckey.

Indiana Pacers
: Why are people giving Larry Bird credit for drafting Danny Granger? I thought Donnie Walsh did that. Larry Bird has been a bad GM. The only good trade he did was for Fragile Ford. They’re so many pieces away from being a playoff team.

Miami Heat
: Dwayne Muthafucking Wade is super, but he can’t do everything himself every night. Beasley looks disinterested and Shawn Marion is trade bait. They need a good center.

Milwaukee Bucks
: When Luc Mbah a Moute is your only defender, you got problems. Ramon Sessions, PLEASE get the fuck out of Milwaukee when your contract is up. PLEASE! They will never respect your talent as a pure point guard. They have a center, a shooting guard, small forward. Their weakness is lack of defenders and point guard play because Luke Ridnour is not the guy.

New Jersey Nets: Rod Thorn is the man. So he got Devin Harris. And they unleashed Devin Harris. The only thing they can do is hope that the young guys develop. Is Jay Z and Beyonce talking to Lebron?

New York Knicks
: Stephon Marbury is a true G. Just like a lot of teams, they need good big men. David Lee is terrible on defense. When D’Antoni rips you for NOT playing D, may God help you.

Orlando Magic
: Can Jameer Nelson keep up his recent surge? Can Dwight Howard finally hit 70% of his free throws? Can they get a good big SG somewhere?

Philadelphia Sixers
: If they’re in the win now mode, they’re not going to win shit this year. In desperate need of a coach. Elton Brand shouldn’t come back.

Toronto Raptors
: See Philly Sixers except Chris Bosh is thinking about not coming back.

Washington Wizards
: Wizards’ GM said, “Holy shit, we don’t have money to sign people because Arenas took a good chunk of it to build that million dollar pool.” No one wants anyone on the team except Caron Butler.