The NBA’s All Economy Team
It’s a cruel, cruel summer.
With President Barack Obama’s "acting stupidly" comment about a certain situation and ex- Atlanta Falcon superstar quarterback Michael Vick’s impending return to the National Football League discussions dominating airwaves, there was really nothing to discuss that has not been thoroughly examined until current controversial Buffalo Bills’ receiver Terrell Owens reality television show came on the air. It started off with Owens being cut from the Dallas Cowboys. He was depressed shutting down in the crib while his two female publicists were coming to the rescue. They took him out to another night in Miami not looking they had any problems financially. What does this have to do with the League of Extraordinary Ballplayers?
Terrell Owens, to some extent, said that he cannot be unemployed and needed a new job pronto.
That led me to here – the NBA’s All Economy Squad brought to you by the Struggling People of America. The going rate for these men was carefully calculated by their current situations and what they were known for in this realm. If Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis were to build a basketball team, this would be it. People love names and no matter how overrated they can be, some owners still want them. This roster will be built among current and former stars willing to play for a sandwich.
Luke Schenscher – This man has fallen on desperate times. In 2008, he played for the Adelaide 36ers. That probably did not pay well since it was reported on Ebay that he tried to sell his Chicago Bulls game worn shorts. I don’t have to comment any further. On this squad, he’s a poor man’s Jack Haley without the cheerleader support.
Price – $35,000 per season with brand new shorts included.
Jason Caffey – Child support, child support, CHILD SUPPORT! Get the cuffs out, Chief. He doesn’t have the money because he’s bankrupt. Hard times, 8 baby mommas, and 10 mouths to feed. He wouldn’t get much on this team, but I know he’s willing to play. Caffey should only be used sparingly.
Price – $50,000 per season plus vasectomy.
Randy Brown – He somewhat resembles Cole from the TV comedy show "Martin." The man had to pony up his three championship rings to pay some bills so so you know he got it bad. Not to mention that he tried to take the ball away from Jordan on Father’s Day. A good solid backup point guard to have, I bet he is willing to play today capable of solid defense.
Price – $100,000 per season plus Martin dvds.
That was the bench. It says a lot that they are made up of former Chicago players. Time for the starters!
F – Scottie Pippen – Another Chicago player! Oh no! But this man will be a Hall of Famer. About a year ago, he played overseas for some money and displayed some of the skills that made him great. Pippen used to bet with Jordan and obviously lost plenty of money. There is an infamous M&M candy gamble he had with MJ.
The Pippen of today – $2 million per season. I want him to bring back the fro he used to rock, too.
F – Shawn Kemp – The army of baby mommas and kids are killing him. I have seen recent clips of Kemp balling it up in pick up games against Spencer Hawes. He still has handles and activity, but not much else. Lets get him in to reminisce about what he used to be.
Price – $1 million per year plus unlimited amount of burgers and condoms.
G – Latrell Sprewell – How’s Sprewell Motorsports? Still flossing those spinners? Someone please pray for him. Where’s the yacht?
Price – $750,000 per season. (Is that price an insult?) Packaged with spinners. On a yacht.
G – Allen Iverson – Although he is not in any financial trouble, he’s my star capable of putting up 18 points a game. On this squad, he’ll average 21+ points since no one else will be able to keep up due to very old age and bad knees. As of this writing, he doesn’t want to play in Memphis.
Price – $5 million plus all the practice time he wants.
C – Manute Bol – When the Golden State Warriors has to raise money to pay your bills, we’re in major trouble. He taught Luol Deng how to play. With that, he should have considered holding some kind of development school for players like Deng, but please teach them heart and handles please. Thanks!
Price – $45,000 per season coupled with an unlimited supply of weight gainer and an autographed picture of Muggsy Bogues when they were on the Washington Bullets
The total price is about $9 million per season for the NBA’s All Economy Team. To cut costs, owner Al Davis should not even supply them with soap after the game – a tactic used by the Clippers during the early 1990s. At least the fans will know some of the players on this roster. Have you seen the Kings and Pacers rosters? They resemble teams made from the back of milk cartons aside from Kevin Martin and Danny Granger.