Khloé Kardashian Has a Plan to Keep Lamar Odom Faithful
Khloé Kardashian has a plan to keep Lamar Odom faithful on road trips. That plan, as you may have guessed already, is terrible. It is in a scene in her soul-crushingly dull reality TV show that we discover that the largest of all the known Kardashians has taken a break in her studies on Quantum Theory to formulate a scheme to make sure her new hubby doesn't stray when the Lakers are playing away from Staples.
Khloé: "[I could make] like a solo sex tape, like masturbation.”
Friend: “I am not going to video tape you masturbating. That would scare me.”
Khloe: “You know, I kind of like the idea of a sexy little video. I could be naughty.”
You know, with all the magnificent things we have in today's world, I sometimes wonder if we've reached the pinnacle of human intellectual achievement. Time and time again, though, Khloé Kardashian comes along and drops a nugget of genius so pure that my faith in our ability to move forward as a species is restored. I mean, what would be more likely to stop Lamar Odom cheating than a solo sex tape featuring the congealed lump of sexy pictured above pawing awkwardly at her lady-parts? If you were to answer "the same video, but featuring either of her sisters instead", you'd be correct. If you were to answer "the same video, but with Larry King interviewing James Carville", you'd also be correct.
Seriously, the tape from The Ring would be more of a sex aid than this proposed paean to self-interference. Try again, Khloé, but this time ask someone else for ideas.
Oh, and there's footage of her magnificent mind in action as she adumbrates the plan in question. Viewer discretion and all that.