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Notes from the Final Four: Florida vs. George MasonApril 01 06 What’s good, basketball fans?As has become traditional on the biggest dates in the basketball calendar, I’ll be keeping track of my thoughts throughout the night so that you good folks can read what I would otherwise have simply yelled at the television screen.All notes are real-time, unedited and uncensored, so if you suffer from a weak disposition, heart or bladder, you might want to check out ESPN’s coverage instead. I’ll be doing the same for the LSU-UCLA game later tonight, so make sure to look out for that article as well. - In the interests of full disclosure, I feel obliged to let you know that I’m wearing a Florida shirt at this moment. I had the chance to catch a game in Gainesville a few years back, and I’ve been repping the Gators ever since. - J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison make an appearance during the pre-game show and both manage not to cry. Morrison still looks like a member of the Beatles kicked out of the band after some medical tests went wrong. - The way certain “analysts” are talking about the game, you’d think that Florida were playing George Mason the Virginia statesman. Given some of their comments, there’s a chance that they know more about him than they do GMU’s basketball program. - Who is Lesley Visser and why? - Roy Williams is backing Florida in this one, terming them “probably the most complete team in the tournament.” As a sign of support, he also appears to have dyed his skin Gator orange. - Roy can’t resist mentioning that there are five UNC alumni in the NBA who could still be playing for him. Can you imagine what their team would have done this year if they were? - The approach of the two coaches to the game couldn’t be more different. While Billy Donovan makes a passionate speech about team identity and looking out for one another on the floor, Jim Larranaga inspires his squad by reading a pair of limericks written for the occasion. - There once was a team named “Mason”/They captured the hearts of a nation/They arrived at the dome and made it their home/And that caused quite a sensation/ - There once was a team named “Gator”/That was a Mason-hater/They arrived at the dome, tried to make it their home/But was sent home sooner rather than later/ - Frankly, at this point of the tournament, a coach could beat a kitten to death with a stick in the locker room and his team would be hyped. - Lewis Black’s entertaining segment on bracketology makes me realise how little I want to listen to Greg Gumbel for the next five hours. If they can’t find any legitimate college basketball experts, could they not just run out the cast of The Daily Show? - Billy Packer’s head is unnaturally flat. You could lay a tablecloth on that thing and eat your dinner off of it. - Will someone please tell them that it’s not pronounced jo-uh-keem? - It seems as if every player introduced was booed by a good proportion of the crowd. Even taking into the account the students of the respective schools in attendance, there must be a lot of haters in the house. - Mason wins the tip, but Noah swats their first shot attempt out of bounds. - Mason draw first blood with a step-back jumper. - Florida misses a pair of threes, but steal it back and make their third. I hope that’s not how they intend to play for the rest of the night. - As he makes a Tim Duncanesque drive to the hole, it becomes apparent that Noah has difficulty maintaining his handle going left. He puts in a short hook with his left to put Florida up 5-2, though. - Butler hits another jumper for GMU to make it 5-4. - Florida’s offence looks a little stagnant as they continue to work it inside for one-on-one match-ups. - Horford hits a layup, drawing a foul in the process and converting the charity shot for the old-fashioned three-point play. - GMU responds to Florida’s strict man-to-man by spreading the floor, resulting in an easy two for Jai Lewis. - Skinn shoots an ugly brick, which Florida rebounds and turns into a three for Green. - Skinn shoots another awkward jumper, but GMU steal the ball at the other end of the floor before Florida can take a shot. - GMU appears to be playing a modified Globetrotter set on the perimeter, moving the ball back and forth by way of a series of hand-offs. - Florida has sticky hands, grabbing six offensive rebounds in the opening six minutes. The last of these results in a goofy and-one layup for Brewer which puts them ahead 13-6 after the free throw. - At 14:05, the game’s first timeout is called. Right now, Larranaga will be killing his guys for allowing the Gators to bully them on the glass. - Florida hits a big three to give them a double-digit lead. It’s a little early to be in such a hole, but at least Mason has time to recover. - Hernandez grabs a pair of offensive boards for the Patriots in a single sequence but fails to make anything of them. - Campbell makes the smart play by improvising a shot attempt following the reach-in foul by Hodge, resulting in a trip to the stripe for three. - He ices all of them, cutting the lead to seven. - Florida continues to isolate their big men twelve feet from the goal, but Mason packs the lane, denying them anything in the paint. - GMU gets a layup on the break to make it a five-point game. - Lewis pulls off his trademark spin move on the block to bring the deficit down to three. - Mason fails to inbound the ball and is forced to use up a timeout. Given their momentum at this stage (they have scored the previous seven points of the game), it may have been better to risk the turnover and let Florida give them back the ball at the other end with a bad shot, as they have done in the last few trips down the floor. - GMU: 5-15 from the floor; Florida: 6-18 - Lewis blows a layup, but Noah gives it back to Mason by fumbling the board into the press row. - Brewer shows excellent body control with an acrobatic bank-shot at the other end to stretch the Gators’ lead to five. - Skinn fakes his man into the air and finally hits a jumper, making it a one-shot game again. - Thomas steals the ball and Campbell hits a ridiculous scoop shot over Noah, which Brewer matches with a contested three mere seconds later. - Skinn makes a difficult up-and-under layup on the break to bring it to two. - Noah hits the hook off the glass that hadn’t dropped for him earlier. - Skinn blows a wide-open layup after taking it coast-to-coast, much to the consternation of the Mason faithful. - GMU forces Florida’s sixth turnover in the game and hits a quick fade-away in transition. - Skinn’s hot shooting continues as he knocks down a double-clutch layup plus the foul. He may have come out looking a little scared, but he’s definitely worked the nerves out of his system by now. - I didn’t sleep a wink last night, but I’m having no trouble staying awake right now. For the record, it’s nearly one in the morning here in England, and the LSU-UCLA game is scheduled to finish at five. - What Mason’s big men lack in height, they make up for in breadth. - Noah’s woes continue as he shuffles his feet and is called for the walk. - He quickly atones for his error with a block at the other end, though, and Green hits an NBA three with a hand in his face on the ensuing possession. - Jai Lewis has a superb knowledge of spacing and body position. He blocks out so well that he seems to grab most of his boards without having to leave the floor. - Noah misses his third open jumper of the contest. He’d better hope this isn’t his last game of the tournament or his draft stock is going to plummet. - Green busts another triple and Florida force a quick turnover as Mason inbound, giving them the ball with 28.7 left in the half and a five-point lead. - Brewer misses a three, but GMU knock it off the court yet again, giving Florida another shot at extending their lead. Humphrey misses the baseline three, however, and the half ends 31-26. - Billy Donovan talks of the need to work the ball inside more in the second stanza, and I don’t think many would disagree. It’s unlikely that Larranaga will let them have as many decent looks from beyond the arc after the break. - Lesley Visser shows up on the screen again, and one of my fish nearly jumps out of the tank behind me. That’s no coincidence. - Accepting one of the car company-sponsored Player of the Year awards at the half, Adam Morrison couldn’t look more uncomfortable if someone dropped a scorpion down the back of his shirt. - For reasons unbeknownst to me, the channel carrying the Final Four games in England shows a montage of hockey highlights in place of an advert break with a few minutes left before the start of the second half. I hope somebody loses their job for that one. - With neither team having thirty on the board yet, the scoring is more to Mason’s liking right now. That said, the Gators – shooting a shade over fifty percent on the season – are bound to improve on their poor offence in the first half and look to turn this into the sort of high-scoring game to which they’re accustomed. - As if to prove my point, Humphrey ices a pair of threes within thirty seconds of the restart. Larranaga decides he’s seen enough and uses another timeout. - Mason takes a contested three with the clock running down, but Lewis saves them by drawing a foul inside on Noah. - He demands the ball in the post and fakes two Gators into the air, drawing another foul, this time on Horford. - Humphrey drills another shot (his third in the first three minutes of the half) from outside the arc, this one coming from twenty-six feet. - “It’s unlikely that Larranaga will let them have as many decent looks from beyond the arc after the break.” Remember when I said that? Yeah, well I was wrong. - GMU inexplicably leaves Humphrey open in the corner, and Folarin Campbell sends him to the line for three shots. Fortunately for Mason, he makes only one of them. - Having missed six straight field goals to start the half, Mason is down fifteen, its biggest deficit of the tournament. Still, given what they’ve done thus far in the competition, it’s difficult to count them out even at this stage. - Humphrey finally misses one, but Green grabs the loose rebound. - Noah travels again, looking a little bemused as he trots back down the floor. - He quickly snaps out of his funk, however, cutting through the middle of the lane and receiving the dish for an easy dunk. - Noah muscles inside, finishing a slick spin move with a bank shot. He’s finding his groove now, and the lead is up to seventeen. GMU has to be sweating a little at this point. - Lewis wakes them up by throwing a no-look pass out of the double team to find Thomas for a vicious two-handed and-one cram. - Thirty-two minutes in, the first bench points of the game are scored by Florida. George Mason, with their truncated rotation, looks as if they may go the whole game without a reserve scoring a bucket. - Noah has an unusual technique from the free throw line, bringing the ball down into right pectoral before pulling it back over his shoulder. Still, if it goes in, that’s all that counts. - Thomas shows surprising agility as he sneaks in for a steal, which ends up with him on the stripe, where he makes his second. - Brewer finds himself free after breaking a loose press and throws down a tomahawk slam. - Horford has heavy hands, hurling a hook hard off the glass. (Peep the alliteration, kids.) - Humphrey makes his fourth triple of the half with a hand in his face, then breaks GMU’s awkward press to find Brewer on the break, who is fouled on the layup and hits both free throws. - Lewis throws a pair of defenders aside in the key, grabs a flat-footed board and completes a three-point play. Dude’s a monster in the middle. - Thomas flops on Noah, but the officials aren’t having any of it. - Lewis tips an errant layup in, then puts another two points on the board ten seconds later off of a nifty pivot move, prompting Billy Donovan to call his guys in for a chat. Lewis looks like an undersized Jahidi White with better basketball instincts. He also looks as if he could tear a telephone directory in half with his teeth. - Butler doubles down on Horford, sending him to the line with a hack on the arm. - Lewis fakes a hand-off and dances into the lane, where he loses his footing and turns the ball over with a travel. It would have been a highlight if he’d kept his balance. - Brewer takes it to the rim and has his shot attempt sent back hard. - Fired up by the defensive play, GMU hits their first three of the night. - As if to say “Anything you can do, I can do better”, Humphrey swishes his fifth from downtown in fifteen minutes of second-half play. - Noah is called for his third walk of the game. I would say that it’s something he should look to correct, but he won’t have to worry about it if he makes the NBA. - Exploiting Florida’s switch to a zone, Mason’s second consecutive triple is nothing but nylon. - Brewer passes up a three for a drive to the hole, a wise decision given that he draws Jai Lewis’ third foul of the evening. Since there doesn’t seem to be much they can do to keep him from taking up all the space he wants in the paint, Florida’s best bet is to challenge him in the hope that he’ll pick up another cheap foul or two. His line is thirteen, ten and four at this point, but he’s done far more that won’t show up in the box. - The Gators run an intricate curl play at the half having forced a GMU backcourt violation. It seemed a little unnecessary simply to inbound the ball, but I appreciated it. - Skinn fouls Green forty feet from the hoop and they exchange words as they untangle themselves from one another. The referees reward them with a technical foul apiece, stating their intention to keep the game from becoming overly physical at this late stage. - With a fourteen-point lead and under three minutes left in the game, Florida manages to run nearly two minutes off the clock by grabbing three straight offensive boards, leaving Mason with a seemingly insurmountable deficit. - Larranaga seems to accept that the game is over, running out his bench while Jai Lewis sits with his jersey pulled over his head. - That’s the game, 73-58. - There’s no greater testament to George Mason University’s basketball team than the fact that I can’t properly enjoy a Final Four victory by my Florida Gators. Although they didn’t make it all the way, they nonetheless did their school, city, state and conference proud with their performance throughout these past few weeks. Winning might be everything in this game, but Mason can take consolation in that they’ve claimed some of the biggest scalps in the 2006 tournament, showing themselves to be a class act along the way. Anyway, that’s enough sentimentality from this guy. I have to get right back down to business now with the UCLA-LSU game, which you can find linked to the right of your screen. If you have any comments, questions or suggestions on this article, feel free to get at me via the comment box below or by emailing me at CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com. - CYE
Yao Ming: The Big QuestionMarch 31 06 Yao Ming. Yahmean?It’s appropriate that the name of the league’s biggest uncertainty doubles as an interrogative. While Tim Duncan (The Big Fundamental), K.G. (The Big Ticket) and Shaq (The Big Everything) earned declarative monikers, Yao remained The Big Question among the class of superstar post players. That is, until Tracy’s back decided to act up and shut him down for the year, making number eleven the new number one in H-Town.Yao, the perennial outsider, seized the opportunity with both gargantuan mitts, banging, boarding and ’bowing his way into the inner circle, the elusive twenty-ten club. As irrelevant as statistical milestones can be, this one is more meaningful than most since it corresponds to a real spike in the Great Wall’s game. While it may have come too late to save the Rockets’ injury-soured season, it was, at the least, a positive note in an otherwise terrible year for the squad which fooled so many writers (yours truly included) into thinking that Houston might become the west’s next powerhouse. Now, folks are asking what synapses connected in Yao’s brain to bring about such a drastic alteration in his game. The truth is that the real change wasn’t so much between his ears as between his legs. Mr. Ming finally grew a pair, and a little chutzpah turned out to be the ingredient that brought out the best in the 7’5’’ centre with the soft hands and solid set shot. Nobody’s quite sure why Yao waited until now to unleash the beast, but there’s no question that he has improved irreversibly. What’s more is that, for the first time in his career, he’s posting better stats than Shaq. Hold up (wait a minute). Better than Shaq? That was the question we’d been asking – usually rhetorically - since we first heard of a promising post player from the province of Shanghai. Each of their head-to-heads has been a tale of two giants, two fives widely considered the premier pair on the planet at their position. Even Dwyane and T-Mac become secondary stories when the biggest of the bigs meet in the paint. But who’s better? Two years ago, there was no contest. Shaq, though clearly past his prime, was still a dominant force on the block, while Yao struggled to establish himself as a top-tier player. As things stand today, the tables have turned to the point that Jeff Van Gundy was able to proclaim Yao the best “regular-season” centre in the league without being accused of smoking crack or flat-out lying. As much as I’d love to be able to refute his claim, I’m not sure I can. Of course, Van Grumpy’s response hints at the irrefutable fact that Shaq keeps his foot off the gas until it really counts, but it also suggests that Yao has all but caught up to his diesel-powered counterpart, a preposterous notion at the start of the season. How long until Yao becomes the best premier postseason pivot as well, then? That, as brother Hamlet once said, is the question. The “if” is now a “when”, and the time until Yao’s coronation might be better measured in games rather than seasons. Whatever the case, the Rockets can rest easy knowing that their former top draft pick is destined to become the biggest name in the game. Any questions? - CYE
All-Star 2006: What Went Wrong?February 23 06 “What went wrong, man?” My question, though rhetorical, is met with a response. “What went right?”My buddy, however, expected an answer. The problem was that for the first time, I didn’t have one. The deeper I dug into my recesses of optimism, the more questions I unearthed. Have the players always cared this little? Was it such a string of shameless promotions last year? When did the sneakers start to mean more than the defence?Was it always this bad? Again, I was left lost for words, and as a writer that meant that something wasn’t right. I scoured the match reports in search of an explanation, forgetting that in a world where the game is viewed in terms of numbers, from personal fouls to points in the paint, there’s one variable that can’t be recorded in a box score: fun. I may not have hard figures at my disposal, but I’ll tell you one thing: this kid wasn’t grinning as widely as back in the day, and the closest thing I have to a statistical measure of entertainment is the average number of my teeth showing at any one time. Whether open-mouthed in laughter, amazement or simply while screaming the obligatory “Did you see that?” following each highlight play, it was a rare thing in years past to see my lips meet for more than a moment during the weekend. This time around, the sight of my molars was caused by yawning as often as yelling, and on Monday morning I returned to my usual business without the annual bout of SJS (Sore Jaw Syndrome). At the age of four, it dawned upon me that Father Christmas couldn’t possibly be real, but I was six before I could bring myself to admit it. I was five when it became apparent that the WWF was all an act, but it took me a full two years to pack away my Hulk Hogan merchandise for good. All-Star 2006 took place over the weekend, and now, at three o’clock on the Thursday following the festivities, I’m beginning to come to the horrible realisation that the NBA’s Santa Claus may just be David Stern in a red suit. Still, like a demystified Christmas, it wasn’t all bad. Ignoring the daylight robbery that tainted its conclusion, the dunk contest was possibly the best we’d seen since Vince wowed the world, and the Skills Challenge was worth watching for the big names alone. Come Sunday, The Big Fella kept the mood light with the latest addition to his line of Shaqcessories, and the starters brought the crowd into it with their choreographed antics during the opening announcements. Unfortunately, save for a couple of crams, Big Ben’s blocks and Kobe’s last-minute juke and jumper, that was about as good as it got. For now, I’m left wondering whether the game changed or I did. Perhaps I’d been too young and keen to believe in the past. Perhaps I’d always confused tinsel for gold. Perhaps this year wasn’t such an exception. It’s been four days since the weekend wrapped for another twelve months, and I’m still asking the same questions as on Sunday. What went wrong? What went right? Was it always this bad? I still can’t answer them, and frankly, I’m tired of trying. Instead, I’m simply hoping that I’ll have to ask only one question next year. - CYE
All-Star Weekend: Ten Things I Want to SeeFebruary 17 06 What’s good, basketball fans?With the NBA season stumbling to a temporary halt, it’s time again to watch a selection of the world’s elite ballers thank their fans by playing fairly poorly in a semi-competitive game which counts for nothing. Still, in spite of the commercial whoring, lazy defence and celebrities who have no business being in an NBA arena, All-Star Weekend is, at the least, several thousand times more entertaining than the Winter Olympics, and I say that without hyperbole.In honour of ASW, I continue with the annual tradition (founded this year) by listing the things I’d most like to see at some point in the festivities. As always, you can reach me with your comments, questions and suggestions at CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com or via the comment box below this article.Let’s get right into it. Ten Things I’d Like to See During All-Star Weekend 1. Allen Iverson breaking the dress code and D-Steezy forcing him to pay an on-the-spot fine. 2. Rasheed Wallace being assessed a technical foul or, better yet, being ejected entirely. For those who doubt this would be possible, remember that ‘Sheed was thrown out of his McDonald’s All-American Game. 3. Rolando Blackman (who is serving as an assistant coach on the night) yelling “Confidence!” at one of the players. (Ten points if you caught the reference. Click here if you didn’t.) 4. Ron Artest. I just want to know that the dude isn’t getting into any trouble during his free time, or, if he is, I want it to be televised. If he attempted to run a promotion in the process, there’s a chance I’d cry with joy. 5. Special Edition shoes in disgustingly lurid colourways. If you remember Scottie rocking the fire truck reds back in the day, you’ll know why. Check the title image of this piece for a look at the old-school Air Maestro in a hue likely to cause permanent retinal damage. 6. Someone getting down on defence. I’m not expecting to see players going Mutombo out there, but I don’t want to have to watch a team of Keith Van Horns either. One of him is approximately one too many. 7. Shaqcessories. Trust me on this one, kids. 8. Gilbert Arenas dropping forty and winning the MVP. Why did someone have to get injured for him to make the roster? If J.O. hadn’t gone down, Gil would have become only the third player ever to be averaging twenty-eight at the break and not play in the game. 9. Andre Iguodala winning the dunk contest. I can’t talk about his whole repertoire, but I can tell you that he has a trick up his sleeve that you couldn’t possibly comprehend with one hundred percent of your brain. (Twenty points for that reference.) 10. Flip Saunders heckling Larry Brown for being at home. If anyone’s in a position to let Coach B. know he made a Milicic-level mistake by leaving Detroit, it’s Flip. I’ll be checking in all throughout the weekend with my thoughts on the Rookie-Sophomore game, dunk contest, skills challenge and, of course, the big show itself, so visit regularly for the latest news and commentary. Until tomorrow, take it easy.
The Day in Quotes: Shaq and Kobe Make Up, Danny Fortson Talks, and more...January 19 06 What’s good, basketball fans? You know the drill by now, so we needn’t waste any time getting down to business. Let’s take a look at our first quote."I witnessed my wife being threatened by a man that I learned later to be intoxicated. I saw him touch her, and I know I should not have acted the way I did, but I would have felt terrible if I didn’t react. There was no time to call security. It happened too quickly."For those of you unfamiliar with the incident, Antonio Davis entered the stands to attend to his wife, whom he saw “falling back” (in Larry Brown’s words) during a confrontation with the aforementioned drunk dude. The event itself was even less exciting than it sounds, but the interesting part will come in the NBA’s response to the event. Due to the fact that he entered the stands, Davis earned an automatic ejection, which comes with a substantial fine. "He hasn’t called me or my agent. And that’s fine. Really, I’m fine with that. Hello, Florida." – Vince Carter on not receiving an Olympic invite from Jerry Colangelo While he normally feeds the media the generic athlete responses that bore us half to death, Vince occasionally busts out a gold quote. That said, although he provided us with a moment of levity in revealing that we won’t be seeing much of him in the coming summers, he could have provided the world with a few reels of highlights if he’d been invited to suit up for Team America. I’m not claiming that we could have expected another Fred Weis, but I don’t think an Alonzo Mourning or two would have been unexpected. "My stamp is not on this team yet, and that’s my fault. I still haven’t been able to get this team to play with the level of consistency I want. I’ve failed at that so far. I need my players to hold each other accountable. Mediocrity is not acceptable around here." – Avery Johnson While Avery Johnson is yet to appear in public with a chalked-up grille and painted nails, I’m convinced he’s fallen to peer pressure and become a Goth. When was the last time you heard the coach of a team which had won 74% of its games talk like a teenager with a grudge against society? Whatever the reason for his incessant negativity, here’s hoping it stops soon. "When he hit me, I was a little surprised. It wasn’t in my face or anything like that. He just hit me back in the chest. Nothing really I can do about that. He’s kind of big." – Andrew Bynum "Tell him Shaq doesn’t respond to juvenile delinquents without a college degree. Tell him to get his degree and we can talk. In the meantime, he should call me ’Dr. Shaq’ because I’m working on my PhD." – Shaquille O’Neal Okay, so Shaq’s quote is several months old, but that doesn’t diminish its greatness in the slightest. Bynum might have caught Superman sleeping, but he has a long way to go before he can challenge him in the quotability department. What’s more, he’s still a way behind in terms of their head-to-head highlights. The fake-and-spike may have been a slick little play, but it didn’t come close to the long-armed put-back that sent Bynum unceremoniously to the hardwood. He may be aging, but the Diesel still occasionally treats us to a play that couldn’t come from another person on this planet. "I don’t bow out of no games. I may get fouls…I am not trying to get fouls; that’s the way the game goes sometimes. But I don’t appreciate somebody attacking my character and my competitiveness. There is a lot of negativity around here. It’s a shame because I am taking anti-inflammatories just to be part of the team. It’s clear to me now they don’t want me around for whatever reason." – Danny Fortson Does this guy listen to himself? It’s a shame that anti-inflammatory medicine doesn’t have any effect on his character, because Fortson could really use something to rein him in right now. Whether the solution turns out to be a cage or the occasional hug, I can’t be sure. What I can be certain of, however, is that Danny Fortson rocks pigtails, and that just ain’t right on any level. "Why am I going to go out there and bang it up and make it worse. I can’t even do 30 minutes on the (treadmill). It’s about how you feel, and I don’t feel good. I don’t feel the best right now. I am not going to sit here and break a kneecap for people who are tired of me being here. I am about to flip out. This is the last thing I can take." – Danny Fortson Interestingly, Danny, your whiny diatribes are about the last thing we can take. But wait; there’s more. "I just request some time to chill out and let myself heal and get some truth around here. It seems like I am getting hatred. I am not paranoid. But that’s how it is." – Danny Fortson Truth? Hatred? Paranoia? It sounds to me as if Fortson has already taken something to relax himself, though possibly not anything legal this side of Amsterdam. If you see him rolling up to games wearing tin foil on his head, you can assume he moved on to something a little more, uh, cosmic. "The doctor doesn’t feel my pain. It’s legit and I’m tired of defending myself. I know that a big guy like me is not supposed to have lingering injuries. I’m supposed to be made like a tank, but that’s not always the case. Everybody gets hurt. I put a lot into it to make myself available on the court. I know I can play. Don’t tell me I don’t belong out there." – Danny Fortson (of course) In a way, I actually feel for Fortson since he truly does suffer from his negative portrayal in the media, and certainly receives unfair treatment from officials as a result of his indelible reputation. Still, there’s nothing he can’t ultimately attribute to his own errors, so I can only have a certain amount of sympathy for him. Plus, the dude has pigtails, which should be punishable by jail time or a paddling. "I had orders from the great Bill Russell. Me and him were talking in Seattle the other day, and he was telling me how rivalries should be. I asked him if he ever disliked anybody he played against, and he told me, `No, never,’ and he told me that I should shake Kobe Bryant’s hand and let bygones be bygones and bury the hatchet." – Shaquille O’Neal Bill Russell has magical powers, and it’s a shame they can’t be put to better use than settling petty squabbles between two grown men that fell out with one another. As much as I hated the incredible scrutiny that was given to such an extraneous issue in basketball, I’m a little sad that the feud is all over now. There’ll undoubtedly be an attempt to manufacture beef between Shaq and Bynum to keep the Lakers-Heat games interesting, but I’ve a feeling that rivalry is effectively over. "It made me feel good because we’ve been through so many wars together. It feels good to kind of be able to enjoy the sweetness of it and now to be able to just move on, for the organization to move on, the city to move on, and focus on building this team and wishing him all the best with his team down there in South Beach." – Kobe Bryant Kobe went a little After-school Special on us, but I think the sentiment is basically genuine. Worthy of note, however, is that the Heat don’t actually play in South Beach; the A.A. Arena is situated in Miami proper (rather than Miami Beach). It’s disturbing how many journalists will happily refer to the Heat as “the team from South Beach” when there’s the MacArthur Causeway between their arena and SoBe. You could say that the Knicks play in Hoboken and you’d be as geographically accurate as these writers. ’’If I get traded, I get traded. ’What can I do? There’s nothing I can do about it. I just go, move on, get ready to play with my new team, my coaching staff, and just go from there." – Mark Blount Rumour has it that Blount will be traded for Michael Olowokandi, which would go down as the most redundant trade in league history. I understand the concept of swapping like for like, but when both the outgoing and incoming players are similar mainly due to their questionable work ethic and stunning ability to underachieve, you have to wonder whether it’s worth making a deal at all. I know that General Managers get itchy contract fingers from time to time, but here’s a case where they need to find another way to itch them, preferably not by making like a crab (i.e. moving laterally). That’s all there is for our fiftieth edition of The Blog, and the fifth in its current manifestation as The Day in Quotes. As always, you can reach me at CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com with your comments, questions and suggestions. Alternatively, you can leave a message in the box at the bottom of your page, and I’ll get back to you. Check back again tomorrow for another edition of The Day in Quotes. Until then, take it easy.
The Day in Quotes: Dirk Nowitzki, Steve Francis, Ruben Patterson, and more...January 16 06 What’s good, basketball fans? A happy MLK Day to all; here’s hoping you use some of your time today to pay homage to Dr. King and his legacy. Although a good number of you have today off, I’m still on the grind, which means that you have the treat of another edition of The Day in Quotes. Let’s get right into it."He’s a hell of a player, but I just got in him." - Ruben Patterson on guarding LeBron James Hold on a second; you got in him? I’ve been witness to many a dirty defensive tactic, but none of them actually involved getting in a player. I’m not surprised LeBron had a rough game given that treatment, and I wouldn’t have blamed him for calling it a night and running all the way home. Just remind me never to shake Ruben Patterson’s hand. ’’I like Steve as a person; I like him a great deal. I’ll miss sitting down having meals and discussions with him, but it was a matter that had to be handled the way it was handled.” – Brian Hill on Steve Francis Is it just me, or does Hill’s language make it sound as if Stevie has made his final appearance as a member of the Magic? It may simply be, however, that he’s not going to be eating with his coach in the future. An insider informs me that he made a scene at a recent team meal by refusing to pass the peas all night, then later telling Coach Hill to shove it when he asked Steve to clear up at the end of the meal. "As the season goes on, that’s going to be the recipe for him, cutting back his practice time. If you’re a ten-year veteran, there are not a lot of new things you’re going to learn." – Dwane Casey on preserving Kevin Garnett’s energy Really, Dwane, are you sure there? It’s not a ridiculous statement to make, but I think Allen Iverson and Marcus Camby might disagree with you on this one. Both players made their professional debuts in 1996, and both are, as Ivey’s ad campaign claims, "Stronger Than Ever." "I bought it. I’m riding with it hoping there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow." – Jerry Stackhouse on the Mavericks’ new rotation, which puts him on the bench for the start of most games You’re going to have to fight Brian Scalabrine for the gold; dude’s got that crock on lock. Even after making some major paper on that endorsement deal with Lucky Charms, Scalabreezy isn’t in the mood to share. "Call me in seventy-two hours and I will have some news for you." – Minnesota owner Glen Taylor on Michael Olowokandi’s status with the Timberwolves I can’t be sure, but I’ve a feeling Taylor’s statement and the following advert on the Minneapolis Craig’s List site are related. For sale: extra-large coat rack - wooden legs, many holes in paint, several testicle marks. Price: serviceable guard o.n.o. Coincidence? I doubt it. "When I saw Monty’s, I put mine away." – John Lucas Good grief. Do we really need to hear these things? Although I soon discovered that they were actually comparing championship rings, the damage had already been done. “He has a new rap song every day. Ludacris, 50 Cent, Jay-Z, he’s got it down. I tell him he’s widening his collection. He’s a rapper now.” – Marquis Daniels on Dirk Nowitzki Save us, please. A rap record release from Dirk is one of the sure signs of the apocalypse, and a freaking bad idea to boot. I’ve never heard him flex his lyrical muscle on the mic, but I’ve a feeling Dirk’s flow could actually make his defence look tight. That’s about all we have for today’s edition of TDIQ. As always, you can reach me via email (CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com) or the box at the bottom of your page if you have any comments, questions or suggestions. Enjoy the rest of your MLK Day, and check back with us tomorrow for the next instalment. Until then, take it easy. - CYE
The Day in Quotes: LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Larry Brown, and more...January 15 06 What’s good, basketball fans? After a protracted absence, I’m back on the block, and so is The Day in Quotes. If you don’t know this goes, stick with us and you soon will.Let’s get down to business."It looks positive at this point. I haven’t talked with Mr. Colangelo, but we should be making this announcement within a week or so." - LeBron James on the possibility of his being included in the coming Olympic squadI don’t think I’m jumping the gun when I say that LeBron is as good as a confirmed member of the squad. His rolls deep enough in minders, agents and publicists that somebody would have shut him up were this not essentially a done deal. Relinquishing a sizeable chunk of your off-season is no small commitment for a player who averages forty-plus minutes a night, but it’s no surprise that he wants to get the taste of that LeBronze out of his mouth. ’’I’m still fresh. Messing with my little son sometimes I get tired, but out on the court, I think I’m ready." – Ricky Davis Tricky Ricky’s a father? Awesome. I can just see his kid throwing a size three ball at the wrong hoop for a triple-double in a little league game. Let’s hope he makes the NBA in fifteen or twenty years and continues his father’s legacy of likeable lunacy. Remind me to check up on that in 2020 or so. "I heard it. I grew up coming to this place. I never imagined that would ever happen to me. Obviously, that was very special." – Larry Brown on having the crowd at Madison Square Garden chant his name Yo, Larry, don’t get too used to the love. It’s not going to take much more than a slight slump for the fans to start hating on you again. If your proposed plan to move the entire roster to the inactive list and play the cheerleading squad in its place is given the go-ahead, the boos could come sooner rather than later. "If that’s a distraction, then you’re going to have one every time you brush your teeth. If you’re that easily distracted, my goodness." – Jerry Sloan on the distress caused to the fans by uncertainty over Carlos Boozer’s injury status Not content with scaring the crap out of everyone who has ever played under him, he obviously decided it was time to go for the fans. It’s because of quotes like this that Jerry Sloan is generally considered the baddest man in the NBA, and that includes the players. He’s run onto the floor looking for drama more than once, chewed out numerous players both in person and through the media and, rumour has it, once caught and killed a bear with his own hands, then ate everything but the teeth. Whatever the case, he’s easily the biggest gangster ever to say “my goodness” in any context. "Right now, we’re looking at about two months out. That’s what we’re striving for right now.” – Amaré Stoudemire on his return from injury “Uh-oh.” – the rest of the league The monster’s on his way back, and that can only be bad news for power forwards throughout the U.S. and Canada. Will he be as dangerous around the rim as he was before his knee gave? Will he retain the killer instinct that made him one of the most effective scorers in the NBA last year? Will Michael Olowokandi ever recover if Amaré dunks on him like he did before? Time will tell. "I have no cartilage in my left knee, and the right knee is headed in that direction. It’s like they’ve been shaved down…I either have to take a chance and keep going and end up with no range of motion in my legs, or stop. I don’t want to put myself in position where I end up in a wheelchair." – Jonathan Bender We move from a promising injury report to a truly disappointing one. Say what you want about Bender as a player, but you have to feel for a man whose career is likely to come to an end at the age of twenty-five. Bender came out of high school an exciting prospect, breaking Michael Jordan’s record for points in the 1999 McDonald’s All-American game and generally beating up on anyone he faced during his senior year, but failed to achieve his projected potential as a number five pick. I’m not normally one to care, but it’s hard to read articles like this one from 1999 (http://www.usatoday.com/sports/basketba/99draf/draf008.htm) without feeling a little for the fella. "Thank God I’m a tough guy…It’s a physical game and I enjoy it, actually. It’s the same types of battles I used to have with my Pops in the driveway where Pops used to just beat the hell out of me — elbows, slapping me and holding me. That got me ready for this type of game to the point where I actually started enjoying the beating that he was giving me…He didn’t beat me with a belt. He beat me with elbows." – Kobe Bryant Just when I was wondering how I could lighten the tone of this article after Bender’s news, this Kobe quote jumps out and smacks me right between the eyes. There are so many tasteless jokes to be made at this point that I’m going to have to move on before I give Kobe a reason to send in his lawyers. As it is, I’m still a little worried since there’s a good chance that simply publishing that quote constitutes defamation of character. I’m just going to have to take my chances with that one. ’’Whoever is reporting that is absolutely irresponsible because there is nothing based in fact in that rumour, whatever you want to call it.’’ – Chicago G.M. John Paxson on rumours of a trade involving Ben Gordon and Paul Pierce Well, that clears that up. Will Ben stay in Chicago, though? In all probability, yes. Paul Pierce, however, might not be long for Boston, and it’s only a matter of the right deal coming along before the powers that be ship him out of town. "Mitch and Phil Jackson have already agreed. We’re expecting a final decision from the big boss, Dr. Buss, soon." - Bouna Ndiaye, Ronny Turiaf’s agent, on the possibility of signing a contract with the Lakers soon As someone who has returned to form following a major injury, it touches me to know that Ronny took my example as inspiration to make a comeback. Sure, I may not have had a heart condition, but those blisters were very serious, and I have a note from my doctor attesting to that. An enlarged aortic root is one thing, but when you find blood in your sock after a game, you just think about your family. Keep your head up, Ronny, and feel free to call me if you ever need support from someone who has been where you are now. On that note, I’m Swayze, but you can reach me with your comments, questions and suggestions at CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com, or by entering a message in the box at the bottom of your page. Check back tomorrow evening for the next edition of The Day in Quotes, when we’ll hopefully be able to move away from talk of bears, blisters and Kobe Bryant’s latent masochistic tendencies. Until then, take it easy.
The Day in Quotes: Fake Names, LeBron James, Shaq on Kobe, and more...December 22 05 What’s good, basketball fans? You know how this goes by now. If you don’t, you can check out one of the previous editions of TDIQ by clicking on the links to the right of your screen. As always, you can contact me with your comments, suggestions and basketball queries at CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com. Let’s get right into it. “I don’t know Ron, so I can’t say whether he would scare me or not.” - Dwane CaseyEither Dwane Casey is hardcore or, frankly, a little slow. I can’t tell you if there’s a higher power in the universe or whether our oil reserves will run dry in the next thirty years, but one thing I know for damn sure is that Ron Artest should put the fear in most rational people. With a 6’7’’, 260-pound frame and the behavioural tendencies of a bipolar Tyrannosaurus Rex, he’s a cause for concern on several levels. If you gave me the choice between being locked in a room with an angry Ron-Ron or being thrown in a shark tank, I’d start looking for my snorkel. “My diseased tissue went a little bit further into my conductivity system. That’s what disrupted that whole connection and caused me to have a pacemaker.” – Fred Hoiberg Let’s not forget that this is a player on the cusp of a comeback. He might not have the intimidating physical presence of a Ron Artest or Ben Wallace, but Fred Hoiberg is one mean dude. It takes some kind of chutzpah to mention your pacemaker and your return to professional sports in the same breath. “You pay for a ticket to see LeBron perform, and it’s like getting a present. I just hope the people of Cleveland understand, realize what they have. He’s like The Beatles.” – Kevin Garnett I never thought I’d see LeBron likened to the mop-top Liverpudlian rockers, but the comparison is actually pretty apt. In terms of his place in the game and the attention he garners, he holds much the same spot in basketball as The Beatles did in music back in the day. Now, if only we could convince him to get a bowl-cut, there’d really be a similarity. “’In the next 15 or 20 years, I hope I’ll be the richest man in the world. ’That’s one of my goals. I want to be a billionaire.” – LeBron James Do you want to be the one to tell him he can’t do it? I don’t. In fact, I’ll be one of those people lining his pockets by buying just about every product he endorses. That’s the cereal you ate growing up, LeBron? I’ll take two boxes. That’s the sports drink that keeps you going, huh? Pour some of that on the cereal. You’ve signed a deal to promote Nascar? Okay, let’s not go crazy. I mean, I can look out of my window and see cars for free. I’ll take a thousand bobbleheads, though. “He (gave) me an extra elbow.” – Tony Parker on an Antonio Davis foul What, three elbows? As far as I’m concerned, anything less is just about right. When you come into the lane as often as Tony Parker (he currently leads the league in points in the paint), you have to expect to take a shot or two. What’s more, when you’re the guy that gets to see Eva Longoria’s fun parts on a regular basis, you can’t complain when people hate on you with an elbow sandwich every so often. “Now, it seems like we’re not making any progress. I don’t have an answer for it.” – Larry Brown Yo, Larry, aren’t you the coach? You know, the guy whose job it is to have the answers? I’m just saying. “T-Mac. Seven points.” – writing on the Raptors’ whiteboard after a win over the Rockets The team record might say otherwise, but a game against Houston doesn’t count when Yao is out and Tracy isn’t putting points on the board. Celebrating that result is like celebrating a lottery win; sure, you were victorious, but you can’t act as if you had a lot to do with the outcome. Still, like a Star Wars fan, I guess Toronto has to take whatever they can get. “Oooooph!” – Andres Nocioni every time he makes contact with another player I can’t be the only one who’s sick of hearing him grunt like a pig with asthma whenever he comes within two feet of an opponent. For someone who plays such dirty basketball, he sure makes a lot of fuss whenever his defender gets physical. “I used “Donovan Perot” because I’m fast like Donovan McNabb, and I’m rich like Ross Perot.” – Shaq on the alias he once used when checking into hotels “Vladamire (sic) Mandingo” – Another of Shaq’s aliases “Oh, that’s a big Russian-African looking dude.” – Shaq on why he chose the name I’m not sure how anyone could harbour ill feelings towards the big fella. You could give me a frontal lobotomy and Shaq would still make me laugh like a six-year-old who’d eaten too much sugar. “He shot the ball pretty good. What was he, 18-for-31? Congratulations.” – Shaq on Kobe If irony were a sauce, that quote would be floating in it. I know Christmas Day is supposed to be about love and sharing (well, that and presents), but I truly hope the hatred spills onto the court when the Lakers meet the Heat. It seems as if the reporters have broken for the holidays already, which means that we’re a little short on material today. Check back tomorrow for another edition of The Day in Quotes, when the league will hopefully be a little more talkative. Until then, take it easy.
The Day in Quotes: Allen Iverson, Larry Brown, Yao Ming, and more...December 20 05 What’s good, basketball fans? As promised, we’re back with another edition of The Day in Quotes. If the emails I received yesterday are anything to go by, the new format has gone down well with you all, so we’ll be sticking with it for the moment. If you haven’t already, let me know what you think of the set-up by emailing me at CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com or by commenting in the box at the bottom of the page. Let’s get right to our first quote. “He’s had it for a long time. It has to do with his toenail and having his toenail removed.” - Jeff Van Gundy on Yao Ming’s toenail problems I’m all for precise injury reports and in-depth coverage, but when I saw an article dedicated almost entirely to Yao’s nasty feet, I felt a line had been crossed. I have nasty feet of my own (two, to be precise) and damaged toenails, but you don’t see them being mentioned in the press. Well, not until now. My point is that I rarely, if ever, want to hear about anybody’s “dark and broken nail”, even if they happen to be the best basketball player from their continent. Can’t the Rockets save Yao’s dignity and list the injury as tendonitis like every other franchise does for an embarrassing ailment? If there are any Houston trainers out there, please make it happen. "I guess I gotta look all GQ now." – Ike Diogu The quote is a mild chuckler in itself, but the fact that he said it while wearing an “I like Ike” t-shirt had me squirting Kool-Aid out of my nose. For the record, that stuff doesn’t wash out of clothes. "Lollipop can’t wear no turtlenecks." – Jason Richardson on Ike Diogu’s fashion options I don’t think anything I could write would have a chance of making that any funnier. All I can say is that Jason Richardson must be some kind of badass to give a 6’8’’, 250-pound man the nickname “Lollipop”. Fun fact: Diogu’s full name is Ikechukwa Somotochukwa Diogu. It’s no wonder we call him “Ike”. "You’re good…Looks like you’re gonna sell Bibles door-to-door." – Jason Richardson on Aaron Miles and his outfit What Jason Richardson lacks in one-footed jumping ability, he makes up for in wit. Did anybody know he had such a sense of humour? Perhaps he’s just coy with the media. Whatever it is, he’s been pumping out quality quotes like Shaq lately. "There are players on the team he probably wouldn’t have wanted or wouldn’t have picked." – Isiah Thomas on Larry Brown Really? I never would have known that Larry Brown was less than fond of certain players were it not that he implies it in every single interview. Of all the things Brown has done to invite criticism and hatred (among them team-jumping, untimely contract negotiations and constant line-up changes), the incessant criticism of his guys is the lowest of them all. “Brown claims to be so embarrassed by the Knicks’ play he wants to wear ‘a hat and sunglasses’ to his son’s youth games.” – Marc Berman, NY Post Hey, Larry, do you know who might be partially responsible for that? I would encourage you to look in the mirror for the answer, but you’d only blame it for making you look short, move it to the inactive list and ask Isiah if he could trade it. "The goatee, the thickness of it, is a topic of discussion every night. It’s gotten more attention than I ever thought it would get." – Derek Fisher Understand this: I’m a man who knows far too much about certain things. I can tell you what materials are used in each Air Jordan shoe, Shawn Kemp’s SAT score and the names of both of Hakeem Olajuwon’s parents. In short, I’m the dude that bores you with esoteric facts at every available opportunity. However, even I would be incapable of discussing a piece of facial hair on a daily basis. If Derek Fisher weren’t a millionaire, he sounds as if he’d be the same sort of nerd as I am, only with a goatee…although I have a goatee (ignore the old photo). Let’s just move on. “Man, I was just in the NBA Finals last year. I just won three championships. And I’m sitting on the bench, watching our team get beat up.” – Derek Fisher That’s because you won’t shut your yap about your chin fur. Have you noticed how there’s an inverse correlation between your court time and goatee thickness? That’s no coincidence, Derek. "All he did was prove he doesn’t know anything about marketing." – Mark Cuban on comments made by Phil Jackson I hate to disagree with Mark Cuban (spot the lie), but Phil Jackson is the man who left the Lakers in a shroud of mystery, criticised Kobe and made cryptic comments briefly prior to releasing a book, pocketing a pretty penny in the process (spot the alliteration). He may not be a billionaire like Cubes, but I think he knows a thing or two about pushing his product, be it a book, radio show or complicated offensive set. "Of course, Mark would say that. He can’t stand any criticism at all."- Phil Jackson You bitch, Phil. Those rings rate you highly in my eyes, but that sort of jibe is only a half-step up from calling him fat. Talking of which, Jax looks as if he’s carrying a little holiday weight right now. I’m just saying. "One guy asked me, ’How do I know the time [left on the shot clock]?’ Well, it’s on top of the backboard. I never thought I’d have to have that kind of response, but you can’t take anything for granted." – Larry Brown, commenting on the ignorance of one of his players Either Larry is trying to imply that New York’s losses are due to the stupidity of his boys by relaying a fictional anecdote, or there really is a player one scoop short of a Knickerbocker Glory. I did see a guy with his shirt on backwards and Velcro shoes, but that turned out to be James Dolan. (I should note that right after I wrote that, I took off my shoe to see why my foot was itching and realised that my left sock was inside-out. People in glass houses, huh?) "Tell him to kiss my ass…Tell him to write the most devilish story he can write about me. If he says I did something, just tell him all those things are true. And say I hit somebody, too, and I cursed at a nun." – Allen Iverson after an incident with a poker dealer on a trip to an Atlantic City casino A.I. may be a thirty-year-old in his athletic prime, but he already has the just don’t give a f**k attitude more commonly seen in senior citizens. What’s more, the use of words like “devilish” and talk of cursing at nuns are normally features of senility, not diatribes from the NBA’s leading scorer. I’m not saying he’s over the hill yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see him rolling up to games wearing shoulder-high slacks and smelling of BenGay in the near future. "’I don’t know what my role is.’ Translation: ’I don’t like my role. I don’t get to shoot enough.’ I never hear, ’I don’t know what my role is’ from a good player. It’s always the players whose role is ’sit your ass on the bench because you suck and we have a better chance of winning without you.’" – Jeff Van Gundy This may be the greatest thing JVG has said or done since he humped Alonzo Mourning’s leg in the middle of the Knicks-Heat scrap back in the day. If only he’d spend more time churning out classics like this than discussing Yao’s toenails, he’d be a little more popular with the press. "For some reason it has become a very negative society in a lot of ways. All we look for is the headline instead of the truth in everything. We could all be nicer to one another." – Pat Riley You’re scaring me now, Riles. I was about to make a subtle accusation of drug use when I realised that it was probably the years of inhaling the fumes from your hair gel that got to you. When you start staring into space and making analogies involving sandwiches during press conferences, I’ll really be concerned. “I’m cool.” – Marc Jackson You keep telling yourself that, Marc. "Definitely, if they got some money out there for me." – Al Harrington, on whether he’d consider joining the Nuggets in the summer In an age of clichés and prevarication, it’s nice to hear someone keeping it real. Unfortunately, making an honest statement in a public space is now a violation of several clauses in the new Collective Bargaining Agreement, punishable by a $10,000-dollar fine and a paddling from David Stern. That’s all for today, folks. As always, I encourage you to get in touch with me at CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com with your comments, questions and suggestions. Unless there’s a barrage of negative feedback, I’ll be back tomorrow with another edition of The Day in Quotes. Until then, take it easy.
The Day in Quotes: Ron Artest, Shaquille O’Neal, Jermaine O’Neal, and more...December 19 05 What’s good, basketball fans? Today we’ll be test-driving a new format for our daily coverage of the NBA’s big news. The plan is to look at the world of hoops through the best and worst quotes from the players, coaches and media, with commentary from your favourite writer...assuming that’s me. If it works nicely and goes down well with you good folks, we’ll stick with it. With the grand introduction out of the way, let’s get right to our first quote. “If he’s on the inactive list, he’s still damaging the team we have now, and that’s not right.” - Jermaine O’Neal on Ron Artest There may have been talk of Ron-Ron staying on the I.L. all year, but who can really see that happening? Whether or not he wants to return, the simple truth is that a trade taking him out of Indiana is not a possibility, but an inevitability. "I respect everything Donnie does. I respect how he runs the organisation, his decision-making, and he’s one of the guys who says something, and his word is good.” – Jermaine O’Neal on Pacers’ G.M. Donnie Walsh Did he really say “and his word is good”? I may have caught the wrong scent here, but the last time I read that phrase was in a book you may know: The Bible. There’s such a thing as respect for upper management, but Jermaine may be overcooking it when he refers to Donnie Walsh with religious language. That said, if he can trade Ron for a player of equal value, I’ll consider him a basketball god. "We can never play together…If he came back somehow, it would be him or me.’’ – Jermaine O’Neal That’s cold, J.O. Ronnie may have said and done some stupid things, lost you millions of dollars and crapped all over the team that stood by him through thick and thin, but…hell, I can’t defend him any longer. From here, his antics are cute, but I’m certain that if I were playing for Indiana, I’d be saying much the same as Jermaine is now, only with a great deal more cursing. "I should have been a man and spoken with coach (Rick Carlisle) about my differences with him…Yes, I would like to return to the team." – Ron Artest Of all the Ron Artest quotes we’ve seen over the years, this might be the craziest. "We’ve been put in a difficult situation, but it looks like the Pacers are a better team when they’re dealing with adversity. Things are much better now in Pacerland." – Sarunas Jasikevicius I’ve never heard him talk before, so I ask this question: Is Jasikevicius’ English really that good or was he speaking through an interpreter? I know he spent a few years in the U.S. for high school and college, but when Andrei Kirilenko still sounds very much the foreigner after five years, I find it hard to believe that Sarunas could achieve not only fluency but eloquence in roughly the same time. If he was, in fact, talking via a translator, I’d very much like to know what “Pacerland” is in Lithuanian. You never know when these things can come in handy. "I feel like 50-years-old man." – Andrei Kirilenko That’s what I was talking about. Either AK47 is still omitting the indefinite article (I never thought I’d see that phrase in a basketball column either), or he’s referring to a Russian superhero called “Fifty-years-old Man”. I sincerely hope it’s the latter. "When you win the game, it always makes you feel happy. It makes you feel happy, and it makes you feel good. I think everybody wants to feel good.” – Andrei Kirilenko It’s good that you’re happy, Andrei, and I feel happy that you’re good. You know what would be good and make you happy? A thesaurus. Two adjectives won’t cut it in this league, homeboy. “Jackson still is issuing books on road trips for his players to read. Guard Kobe Bryant already has discarded five books, but decided to keep "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. The topic is trusting the first two seconds of thought that enter one’s mind.” - John Reid of the New Orleans Times-Picayune The problem is that Kobe’s first two seconds of thought on receiving a pass probably go a little something like this: “Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it. Damn, these tights are itchy.” It’s not normally until second three that he considers passing, which is why reading Blink would result in some horrible percentages and a lot of Laker losses. Besides which, if you’re going to read anything by Gladwell, it should be The Tipping Point. "When you look at other buildings, like Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, they have amenities there that generate revenues when there is not an event in the building. A restaurant there might be open six days a week. At the Bradley Center, we’ve got some months when we’re only open one or two days a month."- Ulice Payne Jr., the chairman of the Bradley Center board of directors, on the problems the arena faces. Right here, I was planning to make a disparaging comment about Wisconsin when I realised that my knowledge of the place was limited to what I’d seen on reruns of Happy Days and That ’70s Show, both of which would leave me years behind. Instead, I’ll say that, having read a lot concerning the Bradley Center, it looks as if the Bucks will have a new home in the next few years, possibly in a new city. If they are moved, the odds are that David Stern will make sure that it’s to Oklahoma, who have impressed him with their treatment of the Hornets. "Everybody knows what that is really about. He had to make a choice: the young guy or the old guy. He made his choice, and good luck with his choice."– Shaq on Mitch Kupchak I normally roll my eyes at anything even vaguely related to the Kobe-Shaq feud, but this one caught my interest as it came only a week before the Christmas Day match-up between the Lakers and Heat. Every quote is fuel on the competitive fire, and that can only mean a more exciting game for us, the fans. Here’s to more media sniping. “He lost thirty-five pounds and then he put back on thirty-five pounds, so that’s got to mess with your body a little bit, so we don’t know what to expect." – Mitch Kupchak on Ronny Turiaf While reports of weight fluctuations may not be the best news for Ronny Turiaf, what’s promising is that we’re discussing him at all. With ’Zo and T.J. Ford’s comebacks still fresh in our minds and a possible Fred Hoiberg return being spoken of, Ronny has to be encouraged about his future in the NBA. Here’s hoping he can build on his success in college as a Laker at some point in the near future. “At the end of last season, I weighed 235. This year I started the season at 260. I think I overdid it. I just needed to add 10 pounds and that should have been solid muscle. What I did was eat and eat, and I didn’t do my cardio exercises."– Chris Andersen Brrrrrrr…what happened to that boy? Apparently, he followed the example set by the other Birdman and grew fat. I’m as big a Chris Andersen fan as anyone (I stuck by him even after his dunk contest showing, which we’ll never mention again), but I have to question the mind of someone who only retrospectively made the connection between an excessive weight gain and the fact that he ate without exercising. I know the Hornets essentially brought him in to fill Tractor Traylor’s spot, but I don’t think they wanted him to fill it all the way. “[Going from a starting spot in Miami to a reserve role in Cleveland was like going from being] the lead singer for The Beatles to a backup, doo-wop guy for the Isley Brothers.”– Damon Jones I normally pay about as much attention to Damon Jones as the WNBA, but this quote is pure gold. If he can keep coming up with material like this, I’ll have to start caring a little more that he exists. It’s funny not only because of the novelty of the analogy, but also because Damon Jones, the man who has been waived five times in his career, compared himself to a member of The Beatles. "I hate rap! Can I say that?" – Chris Kaman Can you say that? Only if you’re Chris Kaman. "It’s, like, a rule. You can’t have Christmas without snow." – Chris Kaman With his unruly mop-top, awkward gait and quotes like that, I don’t know what Chris Kaman would have to do to make me hate him. He could let down the tyres on my car, rob my house and pee in the fish tank, and I’d still give him dap if we met. Well, that’s all there is for today. Let us know how you like the new format by commenting in the box at the bottom of the page or by emailing me directly at CY.Ellis@HoopsVibe.com. Check back in tomorrow for another look at the latest basketball news. Until then, take it easy.
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