Written by: Christopher Sells - Chris lives, works, and goes to school in Austin and obsesses over basketball in most of his free time. Time not spent obsessing over basketball is usually spent obsessing over football, ’90s (...) More
Anderson Varejao is, at least from what I can tell, a pretty irritating guy on the basketball court. This isn’t really a bad thing, it’s just the role he plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers. You can find him mixing it up with opposing players fairly often and complaining to the refs a few times a game about a foul he doesn’t think he committed.
Agree with him or not, Varejao has helped the team clinch the league’s best record this season in a variety of ways. He can start or come off the bench, fill in for injured players, he rebounds, plays defense, sets picks, and provides the bit of muscle that every good team needs. He even pokes fun at his teammates in practice and participates in silly pregame routines.
I believe that Varejao is like all of us: he has his good qualities and his bad qualities. None of us are perfect— especially not on the court— but we don’t have to worry about millions of people witnessing the things we do via television or as spectators in an arena. Varejao does, and perhaps his reputation isn’t what it should be because of incidents like the one Sunday involving the Celtics’ Ray Allen.
If you haven’t seen the incident, I must first ask you about the rock you’ve been living under. I realize that you might have turned the game off because the Cavs were beating the pants off of the Celtics most of the afternoon, but you probably should have caught a replay on just about any highlight show. At any rate, feel free to have a gander below.
Does Varejao throw Allen to the ground? Were the Cavs running up the score a little too much against an injured and overmatched Boston team? Did they later celebrate a little too much and break some of the unwritten rules of sportsmanship? Whatever your answer to those questions, there’s one thing that I am certain of.
No man should ever, under any circumstance, hit another man in the balls. Period.
Men will be men and boys will be boys and fights are bound to take place. This is an accepted truth that can be verified across professional sports and in everyday life. Guys can throw punches, yell, kick, scream, say nasty things about each others’ mothers, pull out guns, knives and other miscellaneous weapons, throw chairs, spit and curse in the throes of a heated exchange. Some of these things will get you in trouble with the law, others won’t. Some are just socially unacceptable. Like elbowing another guy in the stones.
I’ve heard people say, "There’s no such thing as a fair fight," meaning that any tactic they can use to gain the upper hand is fair play. Sure, as long as you stay away from the other guy’s crotchal region. Hit him in the face, wait until his back is turned, involve small children and/or animals, do whatever you need to do, as long as you leave his twig and berries out of the equation.
This does not apply to women. In self defense classes, it is taught that the groin is one of a man’s most vulnerable regions and should be exploited if the woman feels that she is in danger. It still seems a little over the line to me, but any man who wants to pick on the fairer sex should probably know that he is risking some sort of pelvic assault. Let this be a warning to those of you that might have been thinking about walking that path.
So unless Ray Allen is a woman, he was wrong here. The league agrees with me, as he has been suspended for tonight’s game against the Sixers. I’d rather that the suspension have been served in a game that means something. Since Boston has clinched its playoff position, this is not the case. Allen will sit out of a game that he likely wouldn’t have played much of anyway, but at least he’ll lose a game check. I suppose this is an acceptable punishment for him going Johnny Cage on someone.
I’m sure Allen, a pretty good guy by most accounts, will speak to the media and express remorse for what he did since his statement after the game ("I’m not going to lie— I’ll always stand up for myself and anyone on this team. It’s in my nature. They’re not going to just walk all over us. I had to make a stance. It was embarrassing for us to get beat this way— playing on national TV.") makes it seem like he thought that was the right move. Get in Varejao’s face, push him, throw a punch if you feel it necessary, but don’t test his testes.
Allen has been punished, Varejao says hes OK, so there’s nothing left to do but move on. Hopefully over athletes will take notice and refrain from making any grabs at someone else’s family jewels. It’s reprehensible behavior that will get you fined, suspended, and you’ll have to endure the sideways glances of your peers and the general public.
This is really a lesson that all men should learn. So take the knowledge and share it with all you know: Don’t hit anyone below this belt. It’s nuts.
[image:http://www.flickr.com/photos/rwbaker/]
10 Comments: Below the Belt
Posted by dominic on 04.17.2009
varejo is a pussy for throwing a smaller player to the floor. everyone knows r allen isnt a physical tough guy type. he wouldnt try that kperkins or l powe, he deserved that elbow to the bean bag. .
Posted by 40inchleaper on 04.15.2009
hey Varejao fan, i’m not a Varejao hater. admit it his role is same as Divac’s. he can’t be like Tim Duncan. You can only compare him to players such as Sheed or Kenyon Martin but not to TD21. peace .
Posted by VARnoballsAJAO on 04.15.2009
Notice how Varejo isn’t even hurtin, dude has no balls LOL.Ray’s a G for that. I rocked my Celtics Ray Allen Jersey with pride the day after that happened, even at the expense of being ridiculed for their molestation. Btw, I hate the celtics. After this, I think I became a fan. .
Posted by i hate cavaliers!!!!! but fuck my team is playing them in 1st round! LOL on 04.15.2009
well i always thought of varejao as a pussy a-------bitch but taking that elbow and not showing the pain he OBVIOUSLY felt (kay cut the crap with the no balls/woman jokes, varejao isnt in the wnba and i doubt he had surgury to chop off his penis and balls), this makes me think he is actually a tough kinda player (somewhat LOL). u can critisive varejao for bein a flopper and a bitch, you will be right, but u can look at the other side as well and see that varejao provides something to his team that no one else provides. they dont NEED another lebron, cuz that would get in the way (not that varejao is even close to that), but all im saying is he contributes to the team in that way. and looking at the standings, u cant argue with that too much, he helps (not ccauses, just helps) his team do well. .
Posted by aaaa on 04.15.2009
VAREJAO dont have BALLS .
Posted by Chistic_23 on 04.15.2009
i dont care how tough you are a hit in the balls should end in a player on the floor dying. even bron, a tough player, cringed when hit in the balls. varejao didnt flinch lol does he even have balls? .
Posted by VarejaoFan\GoCavs\Ian on 04.15.2009
To... (BLANK), All men has balls. Varejao didn’t flinch or something like that ’cause he is tough and doesn’t want anymore. To... 40inchleaper, Like Christopher said, it’s all about the role. If he is given the opportunity to be a Tim DUncan like of player. Why wouldn’t he do that? Ok. All we gotta do is to support Varejao and the Cavs. We all know that the Celtics are born losers. They had injuries to starters Kevin Garnett and Rajon Rondo. But, Cavs also had a share of injuries too, like to Ben Wallace, Delonte West, and Ilgauskas. But look, what did the Cavs do? They went out there, win more games. Trusted Varejao in a new role. GO CAVS! 08-09 NBA Champions! .
Posted by 40inchleaper on 04.14.2009
Varejao is the new "Vlade Divac flopper" of the NBA .
Posted by
on 04.14.2009
I must admit that was really really dirty and I cant beleive Ray Allen would do that but the fatc of the matt is Varejao has no balls because he didn’t even flinch from that. Ray shouldn’t of done that but come on... .
Posted by a n a l a n a l a n a l on 04.14.2009
he just wanted to tocuh varejo balls, we all know walter ray allen is a loser and a faggot .
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