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Christopher SellsWritten by: Christopher Sells - Chris lives, works, and goes to school in Austin and obsesses over basketball in most of his free time. Time not spent obsessing over basketball is usually spent obsessing over football, ’90s (...) More  
 
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Odom to Tie the Knot

  By Christopher Sells
09.24.2009 - Updated on 09.24.2009
Congratulations, Lamar Odom. I think.

If you haven’t heard, the Lakers’ 6’10" lefty PF with handles is taking himself off the market. Not the free agent market (he did that earlier this summer after not seeing eye-to-eye with the NBA champs), but the bachelor market. According to his future wife, the two will be joined in marital bliss this Sunday.

The lucky woman is Khloe Kardashian. I’m very proud to say that I know nothing about her since I haven’t viewed the reality show on which she is featured along with her sisters. The only things I know at all about the name "Kardashian" involve a marginal NFL player and a sex tape with a marginal singer. So I have no pre-conceived notions about what these two are about to do.

I’ve heard and read the opinions of others about why this would happen, be it Khloe’s former connection with new Rocket Rashad McCants or the two months that she has know Odom. I’m not here to say he should sign a pre-nup or wait or get martial counseling. That’s his life and his business.

I am here to say this: If anyone has the connections or the influence necessary to get me an invite to Odom’s bachelor party tonight, please work your magic. Sure, I’d like to celebrate with a guy on their last nights of freedom by committing assorted acts of inebriated debauchery— who wouldn’t?— but I really just want to be able to witness an event that will reportedly include "drinks, DJ, stripper poles, midgets & tons of candy."

Yes, really.

Perhaps I should expect nothing less from a event hosted by the creator of Girls Gone Wild. Odom’s future brother-in-law is also involved, which is a bit of a surprise. Nothing says "Welcome to the family!" like diminutive folks and poles meant for strippers. I’d like to believe that those poles will have strippers attached to them, but I won’t assume. And who doesn’t want a handful of Sour Patch Kids while sipping on an adult beverage? Imagine the stories that could arise from this. It could rival the photos from The Hangover.

But after all of that passes, Odom and the future missus will get hitched and hopefully spend their life together happily. Kill the nonsense about how this will be a Tony Romo-esque type distraction to the Lakers and their quest to repeat. Ron Artest has already given us permission to blame him for any failures and I plan on taking full advantage of that. Just let these two be happy together and marvel at the love they share with one another.

I think.



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