Monday , Apr , 19 , 2010 J.N.

Official: LeBron James and the Cavs have beaten Derrick Rose’s Bulls in a sweep and LeBron has found the cure to AIDS.

As the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Chicago Bulls rage war in the first round of the playoffs, ABC decided to air a segment at halftime called, “The Chase down Block.”

The segment is basically LeBron James chasing people from behind for the block. They analyzed his speed and reflexes making him looking like Steve Austin from The Six Million Dollar Man.  In short, it was basically the fine folks at ABC sucking LeBron’s member; verbal blow job. It was beautiful for some, but disgusting for many. I was shocked and appalled. I was more surprised that they broke out the graphics for the models.

Mark Jackson, commentating alongside Jeff Van Gundy, said that leading the Cavaliers to the Finals is the equivalent to winning a title. Excuse me? C’mon on, man. You’re better than that, Mark. I know that you stay salty from the days of Michael Jordan, but it is all good. You do what you do because you’re good at it.

Basically, the general sports machine has crowned LeBron James and the Cavaliers as the 2010 NBA Champions. No other games in the playoffs need to be played. Everything has been taken care of by a disease called “homerism.” It was pretty bad during the Shaq/Kobe era, but I can’t believe it’s just as bad as today. There is simply too much front running.

What are they going to do next? Put together clips of LeBron James dancing and call it “The Run back?” Slow mo some clips, which is mostly from Bulls games, and analyze his reaction time for each limb he moves. Joakim Noah approves of the message. If anyone has taken any notice, Noah is not a fan of LeBron’s dancing. The entire playoff series has become something ado about dancing. What has LeBron James accomplished to earn this much respect? How is he considered one of the GOATs when he hasn’t even won a title? Forget one title. He has to win MULTIPLE titles.

These analysts are analyzing LeBron’s chase down block, but they’re not even wasting their breath on the lack of foul calls for Derrick Rose. Game one’s officiating was putrid. It stank to high heaven. In short, it was bullshit. Look, the majority is not expecting the Bulls to win. The zebras will not help the Bulls win anything either, but there has to be balance somewhere. It has gotten extremely disgusting with the lack of calls all season for Chicago’s mythical unicorn. How can this kid get into the paint close to 20 times and shoot only 2 free throws?

Answer me that.

I appreciate Derrick Rose keeping his cool. If it was me, I would have gone after the refs with a dropkick to the throat. I have to put up with more Bron penis slurping from analysts for the rest of the playoffs. They should have their man cards taken away. Well this series is done and over with. LeBron has already won the championship by beating the Lakers somewhere.

By himself. With the dancing. And the chase down block. During the offseason, LeBron will reveal the cure for AIDS. With his dancing.


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